Yesterday was a very bad day. It was long and exhausting and emotionally draining. It was the worst day that I have had in a very long time. Here is what happened.
Jetta, our sweet Great Dane, was over due with her puppies. I just knew that something was wrong. She went through all the motions of labor on Tuesday but never actually had a puppy. It was very bizarre. On Wednesday I took her to the vet because I was concerned about her and worried about the puppies. The whole situation was very strange. The vet that I went to told me that Jetta's cervix was not forward enough and that we should just wait a few more days. This did not make any sense to me. I also thought that Jetta had an unusual odor to her (sorry guys, but that is the truth of it) and asked the vet. No, she said, perfectly normal. Really? I don't know. Nope, just fine she said. Ok. So on the vets recomendation I went home and waited.
Yesterday I knew that something was amiss. It had been too long and Jetta was not having any signs of labor or anything. This was not OK. I got a hold of a different vet office and spoke with the office manager who said that I should bring her in right away to have a C-section. So I grabbed all the children and rushed out to the vets office. Right away I was not happy with our choice of vets. The receptionist was chilly at best. The vet tech came out to get Jetta and the first thing she said to me was all the puppies are probably dead don't get your hopes up. Then they took my baby back and LEFT HER in a run for TWO HOURS and never did anything!!! The longer I sat in that waiting room waiting the more irate I got. This was an emergency. Why wasn't anyone taking care of my dog? The vet never even bothered to come out and say hello or talk to me about Jetta or the situation or anything. The vet tech never checked my girl to see if she could hear any live puppies. They didn't even take her temperature. They just stuck her out back. I stewed and I got mad and finally I spoke up. I am very proud of myself for doing that. I tend to be a doormat at times. But I was mad, I was really mad. I felt such comtempt for that office manager who wheeled and dealed me to get me in and then treated my dog as though she didn't matter and left me sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours with 7 children and didn't do a thing. So I let him have it. I did. And I didn't cry. When I get mad I cry which makes me more upset. But I held it together and I didn't cry and I told him that my dog may not be important to him but she was very important to me and our family and that we hurried down to get there so that she could have a much needed C-section and no one had even done anything for her yet. He was offended, the jerk. But he told me that I was free to leave and go to another vet (after they had charged me). So I did. I took my dog and we left. I was livid! Irate! Now please understand that I am NOT a confrontational person. At all. But we had wasted so much time and my dogs and the puppies lives were in the balance here.
Walked into the next vet office and the vet came out to meet me right away. She was sweet, comforting, caring and wonderful. She took my Jetta right back and started the surgery. Then we waited and waited. Me with all 7 children in the waiting room. It was very tense and I was so worried about my girl. I finally got word from the vet tech that one horn on Jettas utereus had flipped over itself. That is why she had all the signs of labor but never had a puppy. The way was blocked and they couldn't get out. All five puppies that were in that horn died. They took two puppies out of the other horn and were working on reviving them. Jetta was homoraging and they had to spay her to save her life. Then we waited some more. Waited to see if Jetta would live. Waited to see if the puppies would live. Finally I heard a puppy crying and a few minutes later the vet came out with one sweet little puppy. She was the only one who lived. The other puppy never made it. Jetta was recovering. They wanted to keep her overnight to monitor her and keep her on fluids but we could take the puppy home and bottle feed her. It was now 4:00 and we had left the house at 9 that morning.
Before we could take the puppy home though we needed to go to Wally World to get goats milk and a bottle for the puppy. And we couldn't take the puppy with us so we had to leave her there and go into town and then go back out to the vets to get the puppy and go home. I had only eaten one orange all day long. I was so stressed out, emotionally spent and super tired. I was still anxious about my dog, anxious about the puppy. Even though she was ok she had not eaten yet and we have lost puppies who take a long time to revive. They just don't thrive and fade away. This puppy had taken a long time to revive so I was worried that we would lose her too. Stress, stress, stress. And off to Wally World we go. And I have not eaten anything but an orange all day. It would have been so easy, too easy, to get food that was bad for me and just eat. It had been a crappy day. Crappy in every sense of the word. I lost six puppies, almost lost my dog who was not out of the woods yet and we lost her bloodlines. We had one puppy hanging in the balance and did not know if she would live. We were all very tired and very hungry and tense. But eating a bunch of food that was bad for me would not have accomplished anything. And I knew it. So I didn't. We rushed through WalMart and I got what I needed for the puppy and some rolls for the children who also had not eated since breakfast. Donuts, brownies, chips, cookies, candy bars. All these thing were staring me down and I ignored them and left. I had two oranges in the van that I had grabbed as we ran out the door earlier that morning. I ate those on the way back to the vets and once we got home I made a banana "milk shake". Then later I ate a yummy avocado and 4 more oranges. Not nearly enough food for the day but considering the circumstances and what I could have eaten it was a major victory for me.
Has anyone ever seen the movie Shrek 2? At one point in the movie the fairy godmother is really stressed out having a bad day and she yells out "Someone get me something deep fried and covered with chocolate". Oh how often I have felt like that. But I do not want food to be my pacifier. Not anymore.
So after a very long post (sorry!) and lots of bad news I do have some good news. Today was my weigh in day for week two of the initiative and I was down. I am not posting any weights here until the beginning of the month but I am firmly in a new "decade" now. For this I am grateful.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Stressful, But Not Eating
It is very stressful around here and yesterday was tough. Our Great Dane, Jetta, is overdue on her pregnancy and really ready to pop. Yesterday she was showing all the signs of being in labor, panting and having pushing contractions. All day long I sat by her side waiting for her to have a puppy. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything because she needed me by her side. So the kitchen didn't get cleaned, the children watched movies all day and nothing got done. On top of all this my Little Angel refused to take a nap all day. She was fussy and cranky and I couldn't put her down to deal with the dog for more than 5 minutes. After being with her all day she just stopped and still didn't have any puppies so it was all for nothing. We are still waiting for those puppies to arrive which means that today is gong to be much like yesterday only now I am contemplating a trip to the vet with all of the children and the very pregnant dog by myself. And my back hurt. All the muscles in my stomach, my neck, my arms, and on my whole back just ached yesterday and I could not figure out why! Then it occured to me that I had been so tense at the dentist the day before that I was sore from it! Wow! So, yeah, it wa a tough day yesterday. The kind of day that in the past would have warrented an eating binge. But I didn't eat bad. I ate exactly what I was allowed to eat. That is a victory for me!
Can't stay on long. The baby needs me, and so does the dog.
No time for spell check. Sorry for anything funky! :)
Can't stay on long. The baby needs me, and so does the dog.
No time for spell check. Sorry for anything funky! :)
Monday, April 19, 2010
So Much On My Mind
Do you ever wake up at 3 in the morning with all kinds of intelligent and insightful thoughts? Then when you wake up in the morning you can't remember it all? That happens to me all the time. I need to start keeping stuff to write with next to my bed. That way I can write it down before I forget!
I did manage to remember something from the other night though. So here goes. I think that anyone who has ever tried to lose weight has lamented the fact that our first impulse when anything goes wrong or gets stressful in life is to stuff food in our mouth. We are always asking ourselves why we do this. Having a stressful day at work? Grab a candy bar to eat on the fly. Children fighting? Make something gooey and delicious to eat. Too tired to cook? Get take out. Boss being a jerk? Crunch those chips.
Why do we shove food in our mouth everytime something goes wrong or anytime we are not happy? I had a revelation about this the other night. This behavior is very deep seated. Think about babies. They cry and we feed them. Even when they are not hungry the closeness and sucking action comforts and soothes them. When baby is not eating most of the time he/she has a pacifier stuck in their mouth. We don't use them but many people do. Baby fussy? Shove a pacifier into thier mouth. They are taught early on that when they are upset having something stuck in their mouth makes it all better. Even babies who do not have a pacie will suck on something, thier fingers, a blanket or clothing. And what is the first thing any baby does with any object they are given? They put it right into their mouths. That is how they explore their world. Everything goes into the mouth.
As children get older we as parents tend to continue this trend by feeding away boo boos and ouchies and celebrating everything with food. Child crying because they fell down, give them a hug and a cookie. Child had a good report card? Give them a hug and a cookie. We do not do this but I have seen parents bribe their children with food to get the type of behavior they want from them. This is so unhealthy!! And we wonder why we, as adults, have such issues with food. It has been going on for years! We no longer view food as a means to sustain us and keep us alive. Now it is a thing of pleasure. A way to vent our frustrations or reward ourselves for putting up the troubles life throws at us. The battle to lose weight begins with us getting a grip on food issues and realizing where they come from.
This goes the other way too though. New baby? Celebrate with a baby shower and lots of good food. Wedding? A feast! Graduation? Party! Holidays? Special food and lots of it! It seems like all events, good and bad are marked by food. And not just food but the overconsumption of lots and lots of ooey gooey fattening and delicious food.
I don't have all the answers to this and I certainly welcome any comments. This is just something that I have noticed recently. The cramming something into our mouths when we are stressed out starts in infancy. Is food our grown up pacifier? I think that for many people it is. Food is our pacifier. Our way of not dealing with anything. But it just causes more problems so it doesn't really help at all. It is a temporary fix. Like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound.
I had more on my mind but it has taken me so long just to write this between taking care of children and everything else that I have forgotten. Oh yeah, the scale. I have a love hate relationship with the scale and it is in the back of my mind to ditch the scale as soon as this 11 week initiative is over. I am committed to weighing in once a week during the initiative. But after that I think that I may just toss the thing. But that is a very scary prospective for me. You see the only time I ever weigh myself is when I am trying to lose weight. I never weigh myself when I am just eating whatever I want and I always gain weight like you wouldn't believe. So maybe there is that fear that if I don't weigh myself I will just stop trying? I am very numbers oriented. I am pushed on by my desire to see progress on the scale but I am also obsessed with that number and driven to despair over it. And that is not healthy. I need to find some healthy balance between ignoring the scale and obsessing over it. I struggle with whether the scale is totally neccesary at all. Really. I mean, we don't walk around with a number over our head that tells how much we weigh. No one else knows how much we weigh so why do we obsess over it so much? I don't know. I guess I have awhile to think on it. I want to have a heathy relationship with the scale. I need that.
Last night I played in the yard with the children. We were running and it was so fun. I found out two things. Number one, my children can run really fast and they are hard to catch! Number two, running around in the yard playing with my children is something I want to do more often. It is great fun for them and it is a great way to get some exercise too. I took turns chasing them. It was a blast.
Well this is pretty long, sorry about that. Just want to get everything out of my head. Today I have a dentist appointment. I am happy and terrified. I have not been to the dentist in so long (like 6 years!) and desperately need to go. I am afraid of what they will discover and how much money it will cost! We are also waiting for puppies to be born. They are due any time now. The waiting is hard because we can't plan anything. We can't leave the dog alone just in case she goes into labor. I also have a splinter on the side of my right palm and I can't get it out. It is in this very hard to reach spot. I will have to have hubby get it out for me when he gets home.
Well off to eat while I can.
I love raw.
I did manage to remember something from the other night though. So here goes. I think that anyone who has ever tried to lose weight has lamented the fact that our first impulse when anything goes wrong or gets stressful in life is to stuff food in our mouth. We are always asking ourselves why we do this. Having a stressful day at work? Grab a candy bar to eat on the fly. Children fighting? Make something gooey and delicious to eat. Too tired to cook? Get take out. Boss being a jerk? Crunch those chips.
Why do we shove food in our mouth everytime something goes wrong or anytime we are not happy? I had a revelation about this the other night. This behavior is very deep seated. Think about babies. They cry and we feed them. Even when they are not hungry the closeness and sucking action comforts and soothes them. When baby is not eating most of the time he/she has a pacifier stuck in their mouth. We don't use them but many people do. Baby fussy? Shove a pacifier into thier mouth. They are taught early on that when they are upset having something stuck in their mouth makes it all better. Even babies who do not have a pacie will suck on something, thier fingers, a blanket or clothing. And what is the first thing any baby does with any object they are given? They put it right into their mouths. That is how they explore their world. Everything goes into the mouth.
As children get older we as parents tend to continue this trend by feeding away boo boos and ouchies and celebrating everything with food. Child crying because they fell down, give them a hug and a cookie. Child had a good report card? Give them a hug and a cookie. We do not do this but I have seen parents bribe their children with food to get the type of behavior they want from them. This is so unhealthy!! And we wonder why we, as adults, have such issues with food. It has been going on for years! We no longer view food as a means to sustain us and keep us alive. Now it is a thing of pleasure. A way to vent our frustrations or reward ourselves for putting up the troubles life throws at us. The battle to lose weight begins with us getting a grip on food issues and realizing where they come from.
This goes the other way too though. New baby? Celebrate with a baby shower and lots of good food. Wedding? A feast! Graduation? Party! Holidays? Special food and lots of it! It seems like all events, good and bad are marked by food. And not just food but the overconsumption of lots and lots of ooey gooey fattening and delicious food.
I don't have all the answers to this and I certainly welcome any comments. This is just something that I have noticed recently. The cramming something into our mouths when we are stressed out starts in infancy. Is food our grown up pacifier? I think that for many people it is. Food is our pacifier. Our way of not dealing with anything. But it just causes more problems so it doesn't really help at all. It is a temporary fix. Like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound.
I had more on my mind but it has taken me so long just to write this between taking care of children and everything else that I have forgotten. Oh yeah, the scale. I have a love hate relationship with the scale and it is in the back of my mind to ditch the scale as soon as this 11 week initiative is over. I am committed to weighing in once a week during the initiative. But after that I think that I may just toss the thing. But that is a very scary prospective for me. You see the only time I ever weigh myself is when I am trying to lose weight. I never weigh myself when I am just eating whatever I want and I always gain weight like you wouldn't believe. So maybe there is that fear that if I don't weigh myself I will just stop trying? I am very numbers oriented. I am pushed on by my desire to see progress on the scale but I am also obsessed with that number and driven to despair over it. And that is not healthy. I need to find some healthy balance between ignoring the scale and obsessing over it. I struggle with whether the scale is totally neccesary at all. Really. I mean, we don't walk around with a number over our head that tells how much we weigh. No one else knows how much we weigh so why do we obsess over it so much? I don't know. I guess I have awhile to think on it. I want to have a heathy relationship with the scale. I need that.
Last night I played in the yard with the children. We were running and it was so fun. I found out two things. Number one, my children can run really fast and they are hard to catch! Number two, running around in the yard playing with my children is something I want to do more often. It is great fun for them and it is a great way to get some exercise too. I took turns chasing them. It was a blast.
Well this is pretty long, sorry about that. Just want to get everything out of my head. Today I have a dentist appointment. I am happy and terrified. I have not been to the dentist in so long (like 6 years!) and desperately need to go. I am afraid of what they will discover and how much money it will cost! We are also waiting for puppies to be born. They are due any time now. The waiting is hard because we can't plan anything. We can't leave the dog alone just in case she goes into labor. I also have a splinter on the side of my right palm and I can't get it out. It is in this very hard to reach spot. I will have to have hubby get it out for me when he gets home.
Well off to eat while I can.
I love raw.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
A Day In My Life
I thought that perhaps you might like to see what goes on in my life during the course of an ordinary day. So here goes:
5:30 AM I woke up and discovered that Little Angels arm was freezing. We have been keeping our windows open all night now and it got a little nippy last night so she was a bit cold. I put my arm over her arm (she sleeps in our bed with me) and tried to pull the covers over both of us but ended up waking her up in the process. So I fed her and we snuggled for a bit until...
6:30 AM The other two little girls peeked thier heads into our room to say good morning then went giggling back into their own room.
6:45 AM Got up and gave all the children good morning hugs and kisses
7:00 AM checked my emails and facebook messages and read my daily blogs
7:15 AM helped my Big Helper make pancakes for the family for breakfast. Fiesty Princess told me that her leg hurt. When I asked her why it hurt she said it was because she didn't have any syrup. Silly girl. And Sunshine is a pancake powerhouse. She put them away like crazy this morning. And she is not a big eater at all. But she likes pancakes.
8 AM I am feeding Little Angel and listening to the guinea birds outside our window squawking and making all kinds of noise.
8:20 AM I helped my Big Helper clean her room and got the room set up for Jetta to have her puppies in there.
8:45 AM Filled out Census paperwork to mail in.
9 AM Feeding the baby again and wondering if she is ever going to take a nap. Then I cut her little claws. I mean fingernails. Gosh they grow so fast!
9:10 AM The baby is in the swing and I am hoping that she will go to sleep. I finish cooking up the rest of the pancake batter for the children.
9:20 AM I bent my pinky nail backwards while tearing up stale french bread to make bread pudding. Ouch! That really hurt. Had to get the fingernail clippers out again to cut my nail. Little Angel is crying. So much for a nap in the swing.
9:50 AM After nursing and then bouncing and walking with the baby for the last half hour I have finally gotten her to sleep. Phew! Put baby into her playpen to take a nice long nap.
9:51 AM Children come rushing into the room talking excitedly about something. Little Angel immediately wakes up and wants to be held. So much for a nice long nap for her.
10-10:30 AM Ate 5 oranges. Yum! Little Angel is up and playing happily.
11:00 AM checked Jettas temperature to see if she is in labor. Not yet.
12 Noon. Baby still not sleeping, but very cranky. That makes two of us. Please go to sleep Little Angel. Children eat lunch of sandwiches, leftover noodles from last night, and pancakes with pumpkin sauce.
12:30 PM baby finally sleeping now. I am famished. Made a very green salad with spinach, avocadoes and broccoli with a homemade oil vinagrette dressing. It was really good.
2:15 PM Little Angel awake again. That was a decent nap. I was able to get some work done around the house while she slept.
3 PM Ate another orange and a couple of dates. Hubby got home from grocery shopping and I put all the groceries away. Little Angel is happily playing in her bouncy thing.
4 PM Children go outside to play. I have mixed feeling about this as on the one hand I don't want them to be trapped in the house all the time, but on the other hand I don't want them to get covered in ticks and we definately have a tick problem here. I will just have to check them really carefully when they come back in. Made a really yummy green smoothie with spinach, blueberries and 4 bananas. But is it really a green smoothie if it isn't green? The blueberries gave mine more of a brownish color, lol.
5 PM Fielded several emails and phone calls from people inquiring about puppies. No they have not been born yet. Yes I will let you know as soon as they come. Yes it should be any time now.
6 PM Family eats supper of fried fish, mushroom artichoke risotto and grilled bread. I eat 2 more oranges.
7-8 PM Get children ready for bed and watch as Hubby trims the huge tree in our front yard that blocks my view of the children playing in the front of the house. Yay! Thank you Hubby. It still needs to get trimmed a bit more, but I can see so much more of the yard now. Yippee!
8:35 PM. Little Angel pooped through her onesie. So I changed her and then fed her. She was very tired and it wasn't long before she was fast asleep.
9-9:15 PM Snuggled with my sweet little sleeping baby. Then I put her down in her playpen. I am really tired now as well. I need to go check on the dog and then go to bed too.
Obviously I did not record everything that happened today but this gives you a good idea.
5:30 AM I woke up and discovered that Little Angels arm was freezing. We have been keeping our windows open all night now and it got a little nippy last night so she was a bit cold. I put my arm over her arm (she sleeps in our bed with me) and tried to pull the covers over both of us but ended up waking her up in the process. So I fed her and we snuggled for a bit until...
6:30 AM The other two little girls peeked thier heads into our room to say good morning then went giggling back into their own room.
6:45 AM Got up and gave all the children good morning hugs and kisses
7:00 AM checked my emails and facebook messages and read my daily blogs
7:15 AM helped my Big Helper make pancakes for the family for breakfast. Fiesty Princess told me that her leg hurt. When I asked her why it hurt she said it was because she didn't have any syrup. Silly girl. And Sunshine is a pancake powerhouse. She put them away like crazy this morning. And she is not a big eater at all. But she likes pancakes.
8 AM I am feeding Little Angel and listening to the guinea birds outside our window squawking and making all kinds of noise.
8:20 AM I helped my Big Helper clean her room and got the room set up for Jetta to have her puppies in there.
8:45 AM Filled out Census paperwork to mail in.
9 AM Feeding the baby again and wondering if she is ever going to take a nap. Then I cut her little claws. I mean fingernails. Gosh they grow so fast!
9:10 AM The baby is in the swing and I am hoping that she will go to sleep. I finish cooking up the rest of the pancake batter for the children.
9:20 AM I bent my pinky nail backwards while tearing up stale french bread to make bread pudding. Ouch! That really hurt. Had to get the fingernail clippers out again to cut my nail. Little Angel is crying. So much for a nap in the swing.
9:50 AM After nursing and then bouncing and walking with the baby for the last half hour I have finally gotten her to sleep. Phew! Put baby into her playpen to take a nice long nap.
9:51 AM Children come rushing into the room talking excitedly about something. Little Angel immediately wakes up and wants to be held. So much for a nice long nap for her.
10-10:30 AM Ate 5 oranges. Yum! Little Angel is up and playing happily.
11:00 AM checked Jettas temperature to see if she is in labor. Not yet.
12 Noon. Baby still not sleeping, but very cranky. That makes two of us. Please go to sleep Little Angel. Children eat lunch of sandwiches, leftover noodles from last night, and pancakes with pumpkin sauce.
12:30 PM baby finally sleeping now. I am famished. Made a very green salad with spinach, avocadoes and broccoli with a homemade oil vinagrette dressing. It was really good.
2:15 PM Little Angel awake again. That was a decent nap. I was able to get some work done around the house while she slept.
3 PM Ate another orange and a couple of dates. Hubby got home from grocery shopping and I put all the groceries away. Little Angel is happily playing in her bouncy thing.
4 PM Children go outside to play. I have mixed feeling about this as on the one hand I don't want them to be trapped in the house all the time, but on the other hand I don't want them to get covered in ticks and we definately have a tick problem here. I will just have to check them really carefully when they come back in. Made a really yummy green smoothie with spinach, blueberries and 4 bananas. But is it really a green smoothie if it isn't green? The blueberries gave mine more of a brownish color, lol.
5 PM Fielded several emails and phone calls from people inquiring about puppies. No they have not been born yet. Yes I will let you know as soon as they come. Yes it should be any time now.
6 PM Family eats supper of fried fish, mushroom artichoke risotto and grilled bread. I eat 2 more oranges.
7-8 PM Get children ready for bed and watch as Hubby trims the huge tree in our front yard that blocks my view of the children playing in the front of the house. Yay! Thank you Hubby. It still needs to get trimmed a bit more, but I can see so much more of the yard now. Yippee!
8:35 PM. Little Angel pooped through her onesie. So I changed her and then fed her. She was very tired and it wasn't long before she was fast asleep.
9-9:15 PM Snuggled with my sweet little sleeping baby. Then I put her down in her playpen. I am really tired now as well. I need to go check on the dog and then go to bed too.
Obviously I did not record everything that happened today but this gives you a good idea.
Friday, April 16, 2010
I Did It And I Didn't Do It
Hubby has been bugging me for a week now to make calzones for supper. He has been very stressed out with work and he wanted something really good to eat for supper. He wanted, specifically, calzones. I had been putting him off, not wanting to make calzones because I was also craving them and did not want to eat them. I didn't want to feel the dough on my hands as I made it, I didn't want to smell the calzones cooking and I didn't want to see my family eating them. I didn't want to! But I did. I made the calzones, one for each member of my family. I lovingly kneaded the dough, filled the calzones up and popped them into the oven. I smelled the delicious aroma of the calzones baking. I saw how delicious the calzones looked with their golden brown tops and gooey cheese melting out as I put each childs calzone on their plate. And then I watched as everyone enjoyed eating their supper. And I didn't have any. Not any. It is a victory. But it didn't feel like one at the time. It felt like punishment. Hubby loved the calzones and thanked me for making them with a big smile and I glared at him. Then I felt bad. I need to find a way to live in this world, surrounded by food temptations and not have it be such a trial. This is my life, not a battleground. I don't know why it is sometimes very easy and sometimes very hard. I think the scale makes all the difference. It shouldn't be that way but it is true. I am motivated by the scale. When the scale moves down nicely in a steady and consistent manner I am thrilled and everything is easy. When the scale stays the same for weeks or goes up and down and up and down to only show a loss of 1 pound (or less) a week I am dejected and annoyed and ready to throw in the towel. I guess that means that I am rewards driven. I am motivated by reward. I have no problem staying all raw and eating healthy all the time as long as I am being rewarded by the scale. And when the scale is being naughty (as has been the case for over a month now) I struggle mightily.
Little Angel is fussing so I guess that is all for now. No time to spell check. Sorry for any goofy typos :)
Little Angel is fussing so I guess that is all for now. No time to spell check. Sorry for any goofy typos :)
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Feeling Sick
Hello
I am not feeling very good right now. I also feel as though I am being sabotagued but I am not real sure on the spelling of that word and didn't want to have it in my title. Haha! But yeah, I feel sick. I don't know why either. I just ate a perfectly delicious wrap and now I feel pucky. Sorry, but I do. My stomach hurts. Yuck.
Earlier today I was putting hubby's clothes away and found a stash of M&M's in his drawer. I big bag. Ugh!! Not M&M's. I love those things. They are very tempting to me.
The other day hubby made french fries to. They smelled really good too. So this is why I say that I feel like I am being sabotagued. However you spell that. Hubby is having a really hard time at work too. Poor hubby. So he has been wanting more comforting foods as a result. Foods like calzones and breads. And french fries and ice cream. And chocolate. And that means that he is bringing these foods into our house and eating them in front of me. That is really hard!!!! When hubby is having a hard time it makes it very difficult for me.
But I am being good. Still hanging in there. I am craving calzones again. What is up with that anyways??!! I don't know why I am craving those so badly. It is actually a bready thing I think. That is why I made the wraps today. I was hoping to satisfy my bready craving. It didn't quite work and now I feel sick. Yay. (Said very sarcastically)
Oy e vey!
Off to drink some water.
I am not feeling very good right now. I also feel as though I am being sabotagued but I am not real sure on the spelling of that word and didn't want to have it in my title. Haha! But yeah, I feel sick. I don't know why either. I just ate a perfectly delicious wrap and now I feel pucky. Sorry, but I do. My stomach hurts. Yuck.
Earlier today I was putting hubby's clothes away and found a stash of M&M's in his drawer. I big bag. Ugh!! Not M&M's. I love those things. They are very tempting to me.
The other day hubby made french fries to. They smelled really good too. So this is why I say that I feel like I am being sabotagued. However you spell that. Hubby is having a really hard time at work too. Poor hubby. So he has been wanting more comforting foods as a result. Foods like calzones and breads. And french fries and ice cream. And chocolate. And that means that he is bringing these foods into our house and eating them in front of me. That is really hard!!!! When hubby is having a hard time it makes it very difficult for me.
But I am being good. Still hanging in there. I am craving calzones again. What is up with that anyways??!! I don't know why I am craving those so badly. It is actually a bready thing I think. That is why I made the wraps today. I was hoping to satisfy my bready craving. It didn't quite work and now I feel sick. Yay. (Said very sarcastically)
Oy e vey!
Off to drink some water.
Monday, April 12, 2010
A Trip To The Zoo
Today was a beautiful day. I am vey tired right now, and pretty hungry, but I am very happy with how our day went. I could not have asked for a better day.
We got up early, somewhere around 5:30 to get the children up and head off to St. Louis to the zoo. It is about 2 1/2 hours to the zoo from here. We left right around 6:30 as we had planned. The children had fruit and pumpkin muffins to eat on the way. We ended up getting lost trying to find the zoo and our GPS sent us on a wild goose chase through a gorgeous neighborhood with gated streets and stunning brick mansions. I was drooling as we drove past them all. They were so beautiful and historic. I LOVE old historic houses! So anyways we finally found the zoo. We had wanted to get there when they opened because although the zoo is free (how cool is that?) the childrens petting zoo area is only free for the first hour that the zoo is open. After we parked I had to feed the baby real quick before we went in. Then we spent a lovely day walking around the zoo. The weather was gorgeous, the children were perfectly behaved and the animals were beautiful. We had such a wonderful day!! The zoo is very park like. We strolled around enjoying the day and the animals and when the baby got hungry we just found a place to sit down for awhile so I could feed her while the children ate cookies and waited patiently. It was just very relaxed and peaceful and wonderful. A very awesome day! :)
A couple of thoughts and observations:
I stayed true to my plan. It was not hard. The food at the zoo didn't look good and it was crazy expensive. Not even a temptation there. The salad bar was pathetic. They had little tiny containers of fruit but they were super pricey. I had brought oranges from home and so I strolled through the zoo eating them as I pleased. It was lovely.
I noticed that the animals in the zoo are fed better than the children in our public schools. Very sad. I also noticed that the food that I eat looks a whole lot like the food the zoo animals eat.
I wish that I had the forethought to wear a pedometer. I would love to know how much walking we did today. I am beat now! Fatigued in a very good way. And the children all went to bed with no problems. They are all very tired too. A good tired.
A couple of funny things were said today. We were watching the elephants when The Carnivore said to me "I bet that they are happier here in the zoo than in the wild." I said "Why would you say that?" He replied "Because here they don't have to worry about not having enough water to drink." I replied "Well that may be true, but I think that given the choice most animals would choose to be free rather than live in captivity." Meanwhile a very unhappy child had been screaming in the background throughout the whole conversation. At the end of my exchange with The Carnivore my Big Helper commented :"At least in the wild the elephants wouldn't have to listen to children screaming." HaHaHa! She is so funny.
The children sometimes get money for birthdays and Christmas. I have always encouraged them to save their money to buy something special and have discouraged them from using the money to buy candy or other garbage. Today they were all very happy that they listened to me. Four of the children got cute stuffed animals at the zoo. Tonka boy loves seals. He LOVES SEALS. He is so cute about it too. He got a big stuffed seal and asked us what he should name it in the car on the way home. Our suggestions were "polar bear bait" "orca lunch" and "polar bear breakfast" lol. We are mean! He laughingly told us "no!". He is such a cutie. Hubbys best name suggestion was Yum-yum. I don't know what he finally decided on. Diver, I think. My children love their stuffed animals. They call them their children and love to play with them. They are so cute.
OK, so I guess that is all. I need to go to bed. I am so tired. It is a good tired though.
I love raw.
We got up early, somewhere around 5:30 to get the children up and head off to St. Louis to the zoo. It is about 2 1/2 hours to the zoo from here. We left right around 6:30 as we had planned. The children had fruit and pumpkin muffins to eat on the way. We ended up getting lost trying to find the zoo and our GPS sent us on a wild goose chase through a gorgeous neighborhood with gated streets and stunning brick mansions. I was drooling as we drove past them all. They were so beautiful and historic. I LOVE old historic houses! So anyways we finally found the zoo. We had wanted to get there when they opened because although the zoo is free (how cool is that?) the childrens petting zoo area is only free for the first hour that the zoo is open. After we parked I had to feed the baby real quick before we went in. Then we spent a lovely day walking around the zoo. The weather was gorgeous, the children were perfectly behaved and the animals were beautiful. We had such a wonderful day!! The zoo is very park like. We strolled around enjoying the day and the animals and when the baby got hungry we just found a place to sit down for awhile so I could feed her while the children ate cookies and waited patiently. It was just very relaxed and peaceful and wonderful. A very awesome day! :)
A couple of thoughts and observations:
I stayed true to my plan. It was not hard. The food at the zoo didn't look good and it was crazy expensive. Not even a temptation there. The salad bar was pathetic. They had little tiny containers of fruit but they were super pricey. I had brought oranges from home and so I strolled through the zoo eating them as I pleased. It was lovely.
I noticed that the animals in the zoo are fed better than the children in our public schools. Very sad. I also noticed that the food that I eat looks a whole lot like the food the zoo animals eat.
I wish that I had the forethought to wear a pedometer. I would love to know how much walking we did today. I am beat now! Fatigued in a very good way. And the children all went to bed with no problems. They are all very tired too. A good tired.
A couple of funny things were said today. We were watching the elephants when The Carnivore said to me "I bet that they are happier here in the zoo than in the wild." I said "Why would you say that?" He replied "Because here they don't have to worry about not having enough water to drink." I replied "Well that may be true, but I think that given the choice most animals would choose to be free rather than live in captivity." Meanwhile a very unhappy child had been screaming in the background throughout the whole conversation. At the end of my exchange with The Carnivore my Big Helper commented :"At least in the wild the elephants wouldn't have to listen to children screaming." HaHaHa! She is so funny.
The children sometimes get money for birthdays and Christmas. I have always encouraged them to save their money to buy something special and have discouraged them from using the money to buy candy or other garbage. Today they were all very happy that they listened to me. Four of the children got cute stuffed animals at the zoo. Tonka boy loves seals. He LOVES SEALS. He is so cute about it too. He got a big stuffed seal and asked us what he should name it in the car on the way home. Our suggestions were "polar bear bait" "orca lunch" and "polar bear breakfast" lol. We are mean! He laughingly told us "no!". He is such a cutie. Hubbys best name suggestion was Yum-yum. I don't know what he finally decided on. Diver, I think. My children love their stuffed animals. They call them their children and love to play with them. They are so cute.
OK, so I guess that is all. I need to go to bed. I am so tired. It is a good tired though.
I love raw.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I'm Still Here!
Hello,
Sorry for not posting for a bit. I am still here. I *did* have a cheat. It was not as good as I was hoping and I stopped it when I had predetermined to do so. I am very proud of myself for having my cheat and then getting right back on track. Yesterday was day one of my 11 week initiative. I was tempted to have another cheat day yesterday but stayed focused and determined and ate all raw all day. I am back to being strong with my raw food convictions. This is a huge deal for me. It was imperitive that I get right back on track and not let 1 1/2 days turn into 1 1/2 weeks, or 1 1/2 months as it so often has in the past. I have never been able to bounce right back like that before so I am really happy about that. It is always so hard to get back on track for me. So I am very, very happy that I was able to cheat like a normal person and then get back to business like a normal person. No obsessing, no prolonged cheating. Just what I planned and moving on. Yay!
A couple of interesting thoughts:
1. SAD food makes me sooooooo thirsty. When I am eating all raw I rarely drink anything. That is because all of the raw food I eat has such a high water content that I am never thirsty. And I love water. I love to drink water, but when I eat all raw I just am never thristy. When I eat SAD my whole body feels parched. Like I am super dehydrated and I drink a ton of water. I drank close to a gallon of water on Friday. I was so thirsty!
2. While it was nice to have the "freedom" to eat whatever I wanted for a day and a half I did not feel good as a result. My stomach was upset and I felt very bloated.
3. I do miss bread. I can't help it. There is no raw substitute for bread. I enjoyed the rolls that I ate. They were really yummy. I am proud of myself for only eating things that have no raw vegan alternative. Like bread. I focused on foods and textures that I missed the most. I did not have any soda either. Or ice cream. Usually I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. But since I make such yummy raw ice cream I had no desire for that stuff. Yay for me!
4. I already said it, but I've got to say it again. I am really glad that I got right back on track. Moving on and moving forward. That is such a healthy attitude to have and one that I have never accomplished before.
Tomorrow we are going to the zoo. Today my Big Helper and The Carnivore made chocolate chip cookies and pumpkin muffins to take with us to the zoo tomorrow. Snacks for the road. Normally we would pack sandwiches and crackers and stuff for lunch as well but hubby thought it would be nice to go to a food place while we are at the zoo. This is a challenge for me. We rarely go out to eat, or eat out just due to the size of our family. It is just too expesive to buy food out for everyone. But since the zoo is free (how cool is that?) I guess hubby figures we can splurge a bit. I would rather just pack sandwiches, but whatever. I can get through this. I am packing oranges, a couple of Larabars, and some grapes. Hubby found a restaurant in the zoo that has a salad bar where people can buy salads by the ounce. So that is good. I was going to make some wraps and crackers today but the day got away from me and I didn't get a chance.
One more thing......I want to say thank you to all of you who read this blog and comment. I REALLY appreciate all of you and I love to read your comments. You are so very helpful to me. I know that I need to be honest with this blog and it helps to keep me accountable and moving in the right direction knowing that you are reading this, wondering how I am doing, and cheering me on. So Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! I want you to know that I am in a good place and you are helping me to be there.
Moving in the right direction :)
I love raw!
Sorry for not posting for a bit. I am still here. I *did* have a cheat. It was not as good as I was hoping and I stopped it when I had predetermined to do so. I am very proud of myself for having my cheat and then getting right back on track. Yesterday was day one of my 11 week initiative. I was tempted to have another cheat day yesterday but stayed focused and determined and ate all raw all day. I am back to being strong with my raw food convictions. This is a huge deal for me. It was imperitive that I get right back on track and not let 1 1/2 days turn into 1 1/2 weeks, or 1 1/2 months as it so often has in the past. I have never been able to bounce right back like that before so I am really happy about that. It is always so hard to get back on track for me. So I am very, very happy that I was able to cheat like a normal person and then get back to business like a normal person. No obsessing, no prolonged cheating. Just what I planned and moving on. Yay!
A couple of interesting thoughts:
1. SAD food makes me sooooooo thirsty. When I am eating all raw I rarely drink anything. That is because all of the raw food I eat has such a high water content that I am never thirsty. And I love water. I love to drink water, but when I eat all raw I just am never thristy. When I eat SAD my whole body feels parched. Like I am super dehydrated and I drink a ton of water. I drank close to a gallon of water on Friday. I was so thirsty!
2. While it was nice to have the "freedom" to eat whatever I wanted for a day and a half I did not feel good as a result. My stomach was upset and I felt very bloated.
3. I do miss bread. I can't help it. There is no raw substitute for bread. I enjoyed the rolls that I ate. They were really yummy. I am proud of myself for only eating things that have no raw vegan alternative. Like bread. I focused on foods and textures that I missed the most. I did not have any soda either. Or ice cream. Usually I love chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. But since I make such yummy raw ice cream I had no desire for that stuff. Yay for me!
4. I already said it, but I've got to say it again. I am really glad that I got right back on track. Moving on and moving forward. That is such a healthy attitude to have and one that I have never accomplished before.
Tomorrow we are going to the zoo. Today my Big Helper and The Carnivore made chocolate chip cookies and pumpkin muffins to take with us to the zoo tomorrow. Snacks for the road. Normally we would pack sandwiches and crackers and stuff for lunch as well but hubby thought it would be nice to go to a food place while we are at the zoo. This is a challenge for me. We rarely go out to eat, or eat out just due to the size of our family. It is just too expesive to buy food out for everyone. But since the zoo is free (how cool is that?) I guess hubby figures we can splurge a bit. I would rather just pack sandwiches, but whatever. I can get through this. I am packing oranges, a couple of Larabars, and some grapes. Hubby found a restaurant in the zoo that has a salad bar where people can buy salads by the ounce. So that is good. I was going to make some wraps and crackers today but the day got away from me and I didn't get a chance.
One more thing......I want to say thank you to all of you who read this blog and comment. I REALLY appreciate all of you and I love to read your comments. You are so very helpful to me. I know that I need to be honest with this blog and it helps to keep me accountable and moving in the right direction knowing that you are reading this, wondering how I am doing, and cheering me on. So Thank You, Thank You, Thank You! I want you to know that I am in a good place and you are helping me to be there.
Moving in the right direction :)
I love raw!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Still Fighting The Battle
I'm going to be truthful. I am having a hard time here. I am still fighting the battle against SAD foods. I am fighting against eating off plan. I still want a calzone. I also want chocolate, chips and cheese dip. But mostly a calzone. And creamy potato soup. And chocolate chip cookies. All of this sounds so good to me and I am struggling with it. I have been thinking on a Bible verse that says "whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are pleasant, think on these things." I am paraphrasing here but basically it is saying to think of good things. Applying that to my present situation would be saying not to think of those foods. At all. Not to dwell on foods that I can not eat. I am trying to keep saying that over and over to myself but my mind keeps going there. I am swaying back and forth in my convictions. We are heading out to the library to get some movies today and part of me wants to just give it a little break and have some yummy goodies tonight with the children. Make some cookies with my daughter. Pop some popcorn and have a snuggle up movie night with them.
I am starting an 11 week weight loss initiative on Saturday through Raw Food Rehab so I am reasoning with myself that I could take a break until then and start back up again for the beginning of the challenge. I have almost talked myself into it. I don't know though. I am afraid that I will feel like a failure if I go off for 1 1/2 days. I am afraid that I won't get back on again. I am worried. And I shouldn't be living my life like this. Afraid of food. I shouldn't be afraid of food. I shouldn't let it control me like this. It is very frustrating.
As of right now I don't know what I am going to do. Honestly. I am very seriously leaning toward taking a break tonight. And then getting right back on track again Saturday for the initiative. I am suppossed to take pictures for the weight loss initiative and post my starting weight too. Maybe this will help me to break my plateau as well. Mix things up a bit, keep my body guessing.
Ugh!!!!
I am starting an 11 week weight loss initiative on Saturday through Raw Food Rehab so I am reasoning with myself that I could take a break until then and start back up again for the beginning of the challenge. I have almost talked myself into it. I don't know though. I am afraid that I will feel like a failure if I go off for 1 1/2 days. I am afraid that I won't get back on again. I am worried. And I shouldn't be living my life like this. Afraid of food. I shouldn't be afraid of food. I shouldn't let it control me like this. It is very frustrating.
As of right now I don't know what I am going to do. Honestly. I am very seriously leaning toward taking a break tonight. And then getting right back on track again Saturday for the initiative. I am suppossed to take pictures for the weight loss initiative and post my starting weight too. Maybe this will help me to break my plateau as well. Mix things up a bit, keep my body guessing.
Ugh!!!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Fighting The Calzone Demon
That is what I am doing right now. I am fighting the calzone demon and so far I am winning. Let me explain.
It has been a very long day. We had to drop our big Great Dane boy off with another breeder. It was almost 3 hours one way. We stopped and had a picnic lunch with my friend and spent some time together letting the children run around and play while we were there, but we spent a good part of the day in the van driving. And because I have 7 children I do not like to have to make pit stops if I can avoid it. What a pain that is with only me to hustle everyone in and out. Plus I HATE using public toilets. Yuck. So anyways I did not have much to eat or drink today because I didn't want to have to use the bathroom while we were on the road. I did eat and drink some. Just not as much as I would have likes. So by the time we got back home again I was so hungry but Little Angel had been in her carseat for a long time and she needed me. And needed me. And needed me. Meanwhile the children are all heating up food and the smells are wafting out to me and it smells sooooooo good. And that is when it hit. The calzone demon reared it's ugly head and all I could think of was making a calzone. I started getting cranky (because I was hungry) and the calzone demon grew bigger and bigger. It has been a battle all night long not to make a calzone. Mmmmm, so warm and cheesy and gooey and yummy. Sounds good right? But that calzone would not be the end of it. I know me. I know how I am. Tomorrow we are going out for homeschool PE. If I made and ate that calzone then tomorrow I would pick up chips and chocolate at the store. I KNOW I would. And I don't need it. I really don't. I am hungry and tired and I had a long day. Now I can eat an avocado, make some banana ice cream and sit on the couch and watch a girl movie because hubby is gone. I will not make a calzone. I will not buy garbage at the store tomorrow. You all are helping me to be accountable and the prioritize my goals. Eating a calzone will not help me with my goals. It will send me on a downward spiral.
So, I am fighting the calzone demons, and I am winning! Yay me!
I love raw. (Gonna go eat that avocado now :) )
**Edited to add - I am now enjoying a delicious salad and some avocado with sea salt and onion powder. So delicious. I am very glad that I did not cave in to tempation. If I had I would have felt very guilty and started the whole guilt/binge/despair process all over again. A definate victory and this avocado is amazing!!!!
It has been a very long day. We had to drop our big Great Dane boy off with another breeder. It was almost 3 hours one way. We stopped and had a picnic lunch with my friend and spent some time together letting the children run around and play while we were there, but we spent a good part of the day in the van driving. And because I have 7 children I do not like to have to make pit stops if I can avoid it. What a pain that is with only me to hustle everyone in and out. Plus I HATE using public toilets. Yuck. So anyways I did not have much to eat or drink today because I didn't want to have to use the bathroom while we were on the road. I did eat and drink some. Just not as much as I would have likes. So by the time we got back home again I was so hungry but Little Angel had been in her carseat for a long time and she needed me. And needed me. And needed me. Meanwhile the children are all heating up food and the smells are wafting out to me and it smells sooooooo good. And that is when it hit. The calzone demon reared it's ugly head and all I could think of was making a calzone. I started getting cranky (because I was hungry) and the calzone demon grew bigger and bigger. It has been a battle all night long not to make a calzone. Mmmmm, so warm and cheesy and gooey and yummy. Sounds good right? But that calzone would not be the end of it. I know me. I know how I am. Tomorrow we are going out for homeschool PE. If I made and ate that calzone then tomorrow I would pick up chips and chocolate at the store. I KNOW I would. And I don't need it. I really don't. I am hungry and tired and I had a long day. Now I can eat an avocado, make some banana ice cream and sit on the couch and watch a girl movie because hubby is gone. I will not make a calzone. I will not buy garbage at the store tomorrow. You all are helping me to be accountable and the prioritize my goals. Eating a calzone will not help me with my goals. It will send me on a downward spiral.
So, I am fighting the calzone demons, and I am winning! Yay me!
I love raw. (Gonna go eat that avocado now :) )
**Edited to add - I am now enjoying a delicious salad and some avocado with sea salt and onion powder. So delicious. I am very glad that I did not cave in to tempation. If I had I would have felt very guilty and started the whole guilt/binge/despair process all over again. A definate victory and this avocado is amazing!!!!
Still Here
Hello
I just wanted to put up a quick post to say that I am still here. Hubby left yesterday but I am still going strong over here. I decided not to fast. I don't want to be so given to extremes. He leaves and I binge. He leaves and I fast. Why can't he leave and I just eat normally? Why does it have to be a big deal? So I am just eating raw like I normally do. No big deal right? Right!
We have a busy day today. I am doing a planned breeding with two of my dogs and then we are going to drop our big boy off with another breeder about 3 hours away. It is going to be a long exhausting day and Little Angel woke me up at 5 this morning and has been up ever since. I'm tired!
Yesterday my two oldest made cookies and we went to meet our neighbors and bring them cookies. Our neighbors aren't really close to our house and the closet neighbor wasn't home so we went to the next house down. What a surprise we got after walking down the road to do this only to find that our neighbor was drunk! At 3 in the afternoon. Nice! So there I am with all 7 children and a bag of cookies talking to the drunk man in his driveway at 3 in the afternoon. Perhaps he will forget that I came and think that he was just spacing out due to the booze. After all, no one has 7 children! Of course that wouldn't explain where the cookies came from. Ha ha ha!
OK, that is all for now. I need to feed children, breed dogs, take a shower, pack a lunch and get going! Have a great day.
I love raw.
I just wanted to put up a quick post to say that I am still here. Hubby left yesterday but I am still going strong over here. I decided not to fast. I don't want to be so given to extremes. He leaves and I binge. He leaves and I fast. Why can't he leave and I just eat normally? Why does it have to be a big deal? So I am just eating raw like I normally do. No big deal right? Right!
We have a busy day today. I am doing a planned breeding with two of my dogs and then we are going to drop our big boy off with another breeder about 3 hours away. It is going to be a long exhausting day and Little Angel woke me up at 5 this morning and has been up ever since. I'm tired!
Yesterday my two oldest made cookies and we went to meet our neighbors and bring them cookies. Our neighbors aren't really close to our house and the closet neighbor wasn't home so we went to the next house down. What a surprise we got after walking down the road to do this only to find that our neighbor was drunk! At 3 in the afternoon. Nice! So there I am with all 7 children and a bag of cookies talking to the drunk man in his driveway at 3 in the afternoon. Perhaps he will forget that I came and think that he was just spacing out due to the booze. After all, no one has 7 children! Of course that wouldn't explain where the cookies came from. Ha ha ha!
OK, that is all for now. I need to feed children, breed dogs, take a shower, pack a lunch and get going! Have a great day.
I love raw.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter
Happy Easter! Today was a beautiful day. We started off our day with a lovely church service. Then came back here and had a big ham dinner. Well, they had a big ham dinner. I had a salad. My salad was really good too. It had a yummy oil/vinegrette dressing and a perfectly ripe avocado. Plus some other stuff. It was good. Then we did the annual Easter Egg Hunt with the children. They have so much fun doing this and we have lots of fun watching them. They are so cute! After that I made my raw carrot cake. It was ok. Just alright. I didn't even finish the piece that I took. And the memory card for the digital camera is broken so I couldn't take any pictures. It looked pretty good but I was not that impressed by the flavor. Or the texture. The chocolate cake I made earlier this year was head and shoulders better. Like way, way better. So I won't be doing that cake again. But the childen liked it so they get to have carrot cake for breakfast tomorrow. How cool is that? That should make them pretty happy! :)
Last night I was thinking about hubbys upcoming trip and I thought that maybe I should do a juice feast while he is gone. That will prevent me from doing any bad binging. I am going to seriously consider this option. Tomorrow I will make some kale chips. I have a bunch of kale to use. Then Tuesday, the day hubby leaves, I could start my juice feast. It is a good idea. Hmmmmm.......... something to think about.
I am wiped out now. I don't know why I am so tired. But I am. So it is off to beddie bye time for me. I'm going to go scoop up the baby and take her to bed. I love to snuggle with her. She is the sweetest little baby in the whole world!!! Such a joy to be around. I love that baby!!! And....
I love raw.
Last night I was thinking about hubbys upcoming trip and I thought that maybe I should do a juice feast while he is gone. That will prevent me from doing any bad binging. I am going to seriously consider this option. Tomorrow I will make some kale chips. I have a bunch of kale to use. Then Tuesday, the day hubby leaves, I could start my juice feast. It is a good idea. Hmmmmm.......... something to think about.
I am wiped out now. I don't know why I am so tired. But I am. So it is off to beddie bye time for me. I'm going to go scoop up the baby and take her to bed. I love to snuggle with her. She is the sweetest little baby in the whole world!!! Such a joy to be around. I love that baby!!! And....
I love raw.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
What A Difference A Day Makes
Yesterday I was doing great. I was feeling good and strong in my resolve to eat healthy and not stray from my eating plan. What a difference a day makes. Today I have struggled all day long and felt down in the dumps. I jumped on the scale this morning (why? I dont know.) and it showed me up 2.5 pounds! What???!!!!!!! What is THAT all about? It was seriously depressing. Seriously. And then all the old feelings came back like, why are you doing this? Nothing is working. You're going to be fat forever. Blah. I am still on track, but it has been a crappy day.
So I tried to keep myself busy today to keep my mind of the scale and my weight. I felt fat all day too. That is never fun. But we moved our boys from their room into the playroom and turned the schoolroom into the new playroom. The boys have more room now which is good. They are very happy in their new digs too.
Hubby leaves for a trip on Tuesday. His trips have notoriously been hard for me. They have become a bit of a pig out time. A gluttounous free for all, if you will. So I am not in a good frame of mind going into his trip. And tomorrow is candy, candy, candy. I am making a raw carrot cake to enjoy. I should be ok. I hope so anyways. Hubby did not buy any of the Reeses PB eggs. If he did he would be dead meat. He knows better than that though. I am only so strong, you know?
Little Angel is growing entirely too fast. She rolls all over and now she is getting up on her hands and knees. I'm like, whoa! You are way too young for that!! She's not even 5 months old! Crazy baby.
I've got to try to make my cake tonight. Tomorrow we have church in the morning. Then we are having an Easter egg hunt for the children. Our first Easter in our new house. It should be fun. Then we have a late Easter lunch with the usual ham, pineapple sauce, green beans, potatoes, ect. In the past I always made a pineapple upside down cake, but this year I am not doing that. Hubby doesn't really care for the cake (I love it though!) and the children will have candy, so we really don't need it. Plus we'll have my raw cake and that will be yummy.
OK, baby is trying to eat my jaw so I better go feed her now! LOL
I (still) love raw. (But I really need to see the scale move down soon!!!)
So I tried to keep myself busy today to keep my mind of the scale and my weight. I felt fat all day too. That is never fun. But we moved our boys from their room into the playroom and turned the schoolroom into the new playroom. The boys have more room now which is good. They are very happy in their new digs too.
Hubby leaves for a trip on Tuesday. His trips have notoriously been hard for me. They have become a bit of a pig out time. A gluttounous free for all, if you will. So I am not in a good frame of mind going into his trip. And tomorrow is candy, candy, candy. I am making a raw carrot cake to enjoy. I should be ok. I hope so anyways. Hubby did not buy any of the Reeses PB eggs. If he did he would be dead meat. He knows better than that though. I am only so strong, you know?
Little Angel is growing entirely too fast. She rolls all over and now she is getting up on her hands and knees. I'm like, whoa! You are way too young for that!! She's not even 5 months old! Crazy baby.
I've got to try to make my cake tonight. Tomorrow we have church in the morning. Then we are having an Easter egg hunt for the children. Our first Easter in our new house. It should be fun. Then we have a late Easter lunch with the usual ham, pineapple sauce, green beans, potatoes, ect. In the past I always made a pineapple upside down cake, but this year I am not doing that. Hubby doesn't really care for the cake (I love it though!) and the children will have candy, so we really don't need it. Plus we'll have my raw cake and that will be yummy.
OK, baby is trying to eat my jaw so I better go feed her now! LOL
I (still) love raw. (But I really need to see the scale move down soon!!!)
Friday, April 2, 2010
Foodie Friday - Enchiladas! And Some Thoughts On This Journey
OK, first things first. Today is Foodie Friday so I want to share with you something that I made this week:
ENCHILADAS!
I had some leftover wraps from last week and thought that enchiladas sounded good. So I placed the wraps on the dehydrator tray.
I made a cashew cheese sauce to go in the enchiladas
I spread the cheese sauce over the wraps.
Then added marinated mushrooms and spinach
Rolled up the enchiladas
I spread some sauce made with sun dried tomatoes, tomatoes and herbds over the enchiladas and popped them into the Dehydrator for a few hours.
All done! Yummy.
ENCHILADAS!
I had some leftover wraps from last week and thought that enchiladas sounded good. So I placed the wraps on the dehydrator tray.
I made a cashew cheese sauce to go in the enchiladas
I spread the cheese sauce over the wraps.
Then added marinated mushrooms and spinach
Rolled up the enchiladas
I spread some sauce made with sun dried tomatoes, tomatoes and herbds over the enchiladas and popped them into the Dehydrator for a few hours.All done! Yummy.
Yes there were four enchiladas on my plate. I could only eat two though. The other two I put away and ate for lunch the next day. I actually think that they tasted better the next day after the flavors sat together for awhile. Or maybe I was just hungrier. LOL! They were very rich and two was plenty for me. I can't do a lot of rich savory foods. It is just too much for me. It is ok every now and then but usually I like simple things better. Like my salads.
OK, on to other things. I wanted to share a bit more information about yesterdays weigh in because my feelings were strange for me. I know that I sounded very dissapointed in my post, and I was. I was very dissapointed with such a low number. But here is the cool thing. I was not devastated. I was not distraught. I was not ready to throw in the towel and give it all up. I did not despair and that is a very, very good thing!!! And there is more to it too. Something happened yesterday. Something that would have been very dangerous and could have easily thrown me off track if I had been in a despairing frame of mind.
In the past when my weight loss has not gone the way that I thought it should go I have despaired. I have thought to myself, 'What is the point? Why am I doing this? It is not helping. I am not losing weight. I might as well just eat whatever. It doesn't even matter.' That is despair. Which would then be followed by a junk food eating binge that could last for weeks with many 'last suppers' of me eating the things that I feel I have been deprived of and would result in me gaining back a lot of weight, getting depressed and despairing again. It is a vicious cycle.
But I didn't feel like that yesterday. I was disappointed, yes. But I was not despairing. And this is HUGE for me. It is such a healthier way of thinking and I am happily surprised at myself. I realize that if I eat a bunch of junk, if I walk away from this healthy lifesytle that I have chosen for myself, it will not do me any good. It will only make matters worse. I am happy. I feel healthier. I have a lot of weight to loss, yes. But I AM getting there. Just a bit more slowly than I want. Eating junk food will not help me in my goal. It will only hurt me.
So here is what happened yesterday. Good news on all fronts.
First: I went digging into my storage containers of smaller clothing. It was very warm yesterday and I cleaned my closet out only to discover that everything I had to wear was heavy dark and wintery. I needed to get some spring/summer clothes out. I was really hoping that I had SOMETHING packed away in the too small for me clothes crate. (I have all kinds of smaller size clothing packed away just waiting for me to shrink back into them again) So I went digging and pulled out several articles of clothing. And guess what? They fit me! I can now fit into some clothes that I have not been able to wear in a while. Not everything in the crate fits obviously. Most are still too small. I have clothes in there that fit me when I weighed 137. So that just gives me something to shoot for. But I am happy that I have "new" clothes to wear now and it is good to know that even though the scale is not moving as fast as I would like I am making progress. Yay!
Second: We went for a walk to go and meet our neighbors. They are very nice and we had a good visit. When we got back we had a package in the mail from my Mom. A little background info: My mom lives in California. We are very close and I love her very much. We have always had a special relationship. We talk all the time. I have not seen her for almost 5 years though. It is very sad for me and my children. We all miss her terribly. So we got a package from her. I took it inside and opened it up. Oh no!! She sent us homemade chocolate chip cookies. My favorite kind of cookies. Cookies made by my Mom. Home. My Mom, who I have not seen in so long and miss so much. Cookies. Mom. Home. Eating those cookies would have been so easy to do. Like the next best thing to seeing her in person. If I had been in a despairing frame of mind I would have eaten them. Even in my good frame of mind wearin clothes that used to be too small for me the temptation was very strong. But I didn't have any. That is a huge victory for me! Because the cookies would have been just the beginning. A slippery slide that I don't want to go down. So a victory for me!
Well, I guess I have gabbed on enough now.
I love raw!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Three Months Progress Report And A Mix Of Thoughts
Today is April Fools Day. I thought perhaps when I stepped on the scale this morning that my scale was playing a joke on me. A nasty horrible joke. This month I lost 3 pounds. 3. That's it. Just 3. For the whooooooooooole month. 3 measly little pounds. 3 out of 70 that I still have left to lose. 3. It is such a tiny and insignificant amount. 3. I hate that number. So needless to say I am very dissapointed. And I feel bad for being disappointed. I mean, at least I lost something. I broke that horrid plateau. I just would like to see the weight coming off a bit faster. I have such a long way to go still and it would be nice to see all of my effort paying off in a more pronounced way. I realize that this is not a race. I am in this for the long haul and taking off this weight will take some time. But 3 pounds? Really?? For the whole month??!! That is what I would like to lose in a week, not a month. So yeah, I'm frustrated this morning. I don't now what I can do. I need to get more workouts in, but with the baby it is so hard to find the time. Ugh! I really need to have a better number this month. If I only lose 3 pounds a month it will be a looooong time before I get to where I need to be.
And I have mixed feelings about this whole thing. On the one hand I am so glad that I have lost 33 pounds now. On the other hand I realize that 23 of those pound came off the first month and only 10 in the last two. On the one hand I know that this is going to take awhile and I shouldn't be impatient to see the results that I want, but on the other hand I want to lose weight at a bit more rapid pace. Although I have also heard that if a person losses weight slowly it is more likely to stay off and that would be nice too. I don't know. I am all over the place in my thoughts today. At times I feel like it is going to be forever before I get down to a healthy goal weight and other times I remember that the time is going to go by anyways so I might as well be trying to lose weight while the time goes by. And every little bit helps. But sometimes I feel like if I don't lose larger amounts of weight I am wasting time. I don't know if that makes any sense.
Does anyone watch the Biggest Loser? I am the same weight as Melissa was in the last episode. 182. But she looks way skinnier than I do. I can't believe she weighs 182! She looks so tiny. Is she a tall woman? I didn't think she looked overly tall and I ususally pay attention to that kind of stuff. I am very short and very curvy. I don't know. And that other guy who lost over 400 pounds? He looked fragile. I mean it is wonderful that he lost so much weight. Really, that is amazing. But one thing seeing him really convinced me of is the need to do weight training while losing weight.
What else? Oh, yesterday we went for a walk to go meet the neighbors. They weren't home, but we had a nice little walk. It was such a beautiful day yesterday. I put my Mobi Wrap on to carry the baby in for our walk. I had not put it on in at least 2 months, and I noticed that I had quite a bit more material leftover after I wrapped it around myself than I did the last time I wore it with her. That was a nice surprise! So I AM getting smaller. I am just so impatient. And really, 3 is a pathetic weight loss total for the whole month. Especially since I still have 70 pounds to go. If I was closer to goal I wouldn't be so anal about it.
Last night was a limited sleep night. Little Angel woke up at 3:30 AM full of energy. Why? I have no idea what caused her to do that. She stayed awake enough to keep me from going back to sleep until it was time to get up. Then this morning while I was getting water for the dogs I got soaked. My Little Golden Boy taped the water hose on the kitchen sink shut so that when someone turned on the faucet they would get soaked by the nozzle thingy. It was his April Fools joke. The boys tried the same trick last year but I caught on to them and prevented a soaking. This year I was too sleep deprived to notice and they got me good! And I am too tired to think of a way to get them back! :) Silly boys! Oh, gee, Tonka just lost a tooth. It came out when he took a bite of his apple!!!
I guess that is all. I need a nap.
I love raw.
And I have mixed feelings about this whole thing. On the one hand I am so glad that I have lost 33 pounds now. On the other hand I realize that 23 of those pound came off the first month and only 10 in the last two. On the one hand I know that this is going to take awhile and I shouldn't be impatient to see the results that I want, but on the other hand I want to lose weight at a bit more rapid pace. Although I have also heard that if a person losses weight slowly it is more likely to stay off and that would be nice too. I don't know. I am all over the place in my thoughts today. At times I feel like it is going to be forever before I get down to a healthy goal weight and other times I remember that the time is going to go by anyways so I might as well be trying to lose weight while the time goes by. And every little bit helps. But sometimes I feel like if I don't lose larger amounts of weight I am wasting time. I don't know if that makes any sense.
Does anyone watch the Biggest Loser? I am the same weight as Melissa was in the last episode. 182. But she looks way skinnier than I do. I can't believe she weighs 182! She looks so tiny. Is she a tall woman? I didn't think she looked overly tall and I ususally pay attention to that kind of stuff. I am very short and very curvy. I don't know. And that other guy who lost over 400 pounds? He looked fragile. I mean it is wonderful that he lost so much weight. Really, that is amazing. But one thing seeing him really convinced me of is the need to do weight training while losing weight.
What else? Oh, yesterday we went for a walk to go meet the neighbors. They weren't home, but we had a nice little walk. It was such a beautiful day yesterday. I put my Mobi Wrap on to carry the baby in for our walk. I had not put it on in at least 2 months, and I noticed that I had quite a bit more material leftover after I wrapped it around myself than I did the last time I wore it with her. That was a nice surprise! So I AM getting smaller. I am just so impatient. And really, 3 is a pathetic weight loss total for the whole month. Especially since I still have 70 pounds to go. If I was closer to goal I wouldn't be so anal about it.
Last night was a limited sleep night. Little Angel woke up at 3:30 AM full of energy. Why? I have no idea what caused her to do that. She stayed awake enough to keep me from going back to sleep until it was time to get up. Then this morning while I was getting water for the dogs I got soaked. My Little Golden Boy taped the water hose on the kitchen sink shut so that when someone turned on the faucet they would get soaked by the nozzle thingy. It was his April Fools joke. The boys tried the same trick last year but I caught on to them and prevented a soaking. This year I was too sleep deprived to notice and they got me good! And I am too tired to think of a way to get them back! :) Silly boys! Oh, gee, Tonka just lost a tooth. It came out when he took a bite of his apple!!!
I guess that is all. I need a nap.
I love raw.
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