It is almost next year. I have been eating foods that are soo bad for me all night long. I feel very sick. I want to tell myself, before I begin, that this is gross. I feel horrid. The food is not so good that it makes up for feeling awful. I am so much happier when I am all raw. Yes, sometimes I feel deprived because everyone is eating foods that I can not have. And yes, sometimes it is really hard and the SAD food smells really great. But honestly it is not worth it. Even for foods that are really good. The temporary joy of eating SAD food is overshadowed by the results that those foods have on my body. I feel heavy, sluggish and gross. I feel fat, bloated and so full. I would much rather feel light, fresh and energetic any day of the week. Seriously.
Another great quote. "Do not expect things to change if you keep doing the same thing."
Happy New Year Everyone!! :)
Thursday, December 31, 2009
All Over The Place, But Making A Decision
So I have not been raw the last couple days. I have been all over the place as far as trying to decide what I want to do, including calorie counting, raw vegan, cooked vegan, junk food diet (kidding!). I have made lists in my head and tried to figure out the best way to acheive health and happiness in the weight department. I have bounced back and forth and changed my mind several times regarding what I think I should do. And finally I have decided that even though it is really difficult at times raw vegan really is the best way for me to lose weight and feel great. It is going to be back to basics time though. No more gourmet raw for me. Lots of juice, lots of greens and fruit and lots of water. Period. Treats during special times, not just because I can. Because technically, yes, I can eat that. BUT they always seem to make me want more of that thing. Like raw cocao. Yes I can have it, but when I do I want more and more of it and find myself eating that instead of fruit which is much more optimal and makes me feel my best. And just because I CAN have something doesn't mean that I SHOULD.
When I first went raw I was drinking carrot juice 2-3 times a day. I had a pint of carrot/apple juice in the morning, around 10 or so. Then I would have another one before eating lunch. Then another one sometimes as an afternoon snack. Lunch would be a smoothie, some veggies and dip, or just fruit. Ususally just fruit. Then a large salad for supper. Sometimes I would have some cashews as an evening snack with lemon juice and cumin on them. Yum. The carrot juice is always best if taken on an empty stomach so this kept me from mindlessly eating all day. And I really did like the carrot/apple juice. If I got good sweet carrots it was really yummy. If I got carrots that were not so good, well, I'd add more apples, lol! But that worked for me. That is what worked and I lost 2-4 pounds each week doing that and I was not even exercising. I lost 45 pounds in a short amount of time without even really trying, save just eating raw. So my intention is to get back to the basics and do what worked. No more playing around. Other people may be able to eat tons of gourmet raw and lose weight but I can't. And if I am eating raw and not losing weight it is too hard to stick with it. I need to see the scale moving down a lot or I feel like it is pointless right now. Once I get down to my ideal weight I can tweak the program a bit if I feel the need in order to find what will work for me forever but I have a long ways to go and I want to see some success. I also plan on instituting a steady exercise program using my new elliptical (Yay! :) ) and hopefully some weights. I want to run another 5K and then move on to a 10K and hopefully a half marathon. I need to put these goals in front of me and hold on to them to keep me strong and motivated on this path. Also I am going back to old rules with the children. They may not be very happy in the beginning but they will get over it. The old rules being fruit for breakfast. No more garbage cereal. Once the stash that we have is gone that is it. I am asking hubby not to buy any more cereal. It really isn't good for them anyways. Time to be a good example.
So today I am going to try to find a store that will sell me a 50 lb bag of carrots. I used to go through a big bag like that every 9 or so days. If I have that huge bag staring me in the face I will juice the carrots. It will force me to. I want this year to be the year that I succeed. I have wanted to be a weight loss success story for so long, this is MY YEAR. I also need to try and find a church. I really need to find a good church that we can go to every Sunday and begin to get involved with. This is very important to me. So I need to start calling around.
OK I have rambled on quite a but now so I will close with this thought. If we eat something to get it out of our system are we really getting it OUT of our system? Aren't we really in fact putting it INTO our system, which is counterproductive? I know that I will often think, well I am going to just eat this chocolate brownie now to get it out of my system, but that doesn't make any sense at all! Something to chew on.
Tomorrow is a new beginning!
When I first went raw I was drinking carrot juice 2-3 times a day. I had a pint of carrot/apple juice in the morning, around 10 or so. Then I would have another one before eating lunch. Then another one sometimes as an afternoon snack. Lunch would be a smoothie, some veggies and dip, or just fruit. Ususally just fruit. Then a large salad for supper. Sometimes I would have some cashews as an evening snack with lemon juice and cumin on them. Yum. The carrot juice is always best if taken on an empty stomach so this kept me from mindlessly eating all day. And I really did like the carrot/apple juice. If I got good sweet carrots it was really yummy. If I got carrots that were not so good, well, I'd add more apples, lol! But that worked for me. That is what worked and I lost 2-4 pounds each week doing that and I was not even exercising. I lost 45 pounds in a short amount of time without even really trying, save just eating raw. So my intention is to get back to the basics and do what worked. No more playing around. Other people may be able to eat tons of gourmet raw and lose weight but I can't. And if I am eating raw and not losing weight it is too hard to stick with it. I need to see the scale moving down a lot or I feel like it is pointless right now. Once I get down to my ideal weight I can tweak the program a bit if I feel the need in order to find what will work for me forever but I have a long ways to go and I want to see some success. I also plan on instituting a steady exercise program using my new elliptical (Yay! :) ) and hopefully some weights. I want to run another 5K and then move on to a 10K and hopefully a half marathon. I need to put these goals in front of me and hold on to them to keep me strong and motivated on this path. Also I am going back to old rules with the children. They may not be very happy in the beginning but they will get over it. The old rules being fruit for breakfast. No more garbage cereal. Once the stash that we have is gone that is it. I am asking hubby not to buy any more cereal. It really isn't good for them anyways. Time to be a good example.
So today I am going to try to find a store that will sell me a 50 lb bag of carrots. I used to go through a big bag like that every 9 or so days. If I have that huge bag staring me in the face I will juice the carrots. It will force me to. I want this year to be the year that I succeed. I have wanted to be a weight loss success story for so long, this is MY YEAR. I also need to try and find a church. I really need to find a good church that we can go to every Sunday and begin to get involved with. This is very important to me. So I need to start calling around.
OK I have rambled on quite a but now so I will close with this thought. If we eat something to get it out of our system are we really getting it OUT of our system? Aren't we really in fact putting it INTO our system, which is counterproductive? I know that I will often think, well I am going to just eat this chocolate brownie now to get it out of my system, but that doesn't make any sense at all! Something to chew on.
Tomorrow is a new beginning!
Monday, December 28, 2009
A Few Interesting Observations
Ok, so confession time. I cheated for Christmas. It was a planned cheat but it lasted longer than it was suppossed to because I started the cheat earlier than I was orginally going to. There were good and bad things that went along with it. It was nice to just eat whatever and not have to think about it. It was nice to taste the food that I was cooking for my family and nice to decorate cookies with the children and lick my fingers while doing it.
Several bad things occured while eating SAD. It went more like a week and a half long eating fest. Like a never ending all you can eat buffet. In the beginning I was making sure to get my daily green smoothie in eery day and that helped a bit. But then I stopped doing even that little bit and I started to really feel bad. I noticed that I was getting out of breath going up the stairs again which had not happened in a long time. I also began to have a hard time using the bathroom, it became really painful. I have come to realize that this is what is "normal" for me when I eat SAD. I feel and look fat old and miserable. In the past I have stated that I want to be normal and not be such an extremist when it comes to raw food. Well I have realized that this is normal and I don't want to be this kind of normal. I want so much more. I want raw. I feel so great when I eat raw. I just need to work through some of the emotional stuff involved with raw food and SAD food.
In the 1 1/2 weeks that I ate SAD I gained 17 pounds. Yes, you read that right, 17 pounds. That is crazy to me. If you add in the fact that I was losing 1 to 1 1/2 pounds a week that puts the total amount of weight that I am up at right around 20 pounds, as I could have lost 3 additional pounds in that 2 week period. That is very annoying. I have decided that I do not want to weigh myself every week anymore either. Once a month is good for me. I don't want to just focus on weight loss either although that is a very obvious and important goal for me. I need to go back through my raw book and reread all the reserach and data about raw foor versus cooked foods in regards to health. I remember when I first went raw I was reading all the time. The mere thought of eating SAD made me sick. I wanted nothing ot do with it. I need to be at that place again and be able to see SAD food for what it really is.
So looking forward now and not looking back. I don't want to beat myself up about the last couple weeks. That will not do me any good and could send me into a tailspin of self destruction. I don't want that!! So I started my day today with some carrot/apple juice and then had a green smoothie with bananas, bluberries and spinach for lunch. Forward, forward! I will weigh in on Jan 1st and then again on the beginning of every month. I want to point out too that I am proud of myself for not just saying forget it and waiting until the first of the year to start fresh. Yay for me!
Info for today:
carrot/apple juice for breakfast
green smoothie with blueberries, bananas and spinach for lunch
I will probably have a large green salad for supper
exercise:
20 min onthe elliptical
Several bad things occured while eating SAD. It went more like a week and a half long eating fest. Like a never ending all you can eat buffet. In the beginning I was making sure to get my daily green smoothie in eery day and that helped a bit. But then I stopped doing even that little bit and I started to really feel bad. I noticed that I was getting out of breath going up the stairs again which had not happened in a long time. I also began to have a hard time using the bathroom, it became really painful. I have come to realize that this is what is "normal" for me when I eat SAD. I feel and look fat old and miserable. In the past I have stated that I want to be normal and not be such an extremist when it comes to raw food. Well I have realized that this is normal and I don't want to be this kind of normal. I want so much more. I want raw. I feel so great when I eat raw. I just need to work through some of the emotional stuff involved with raw food and SAD food.
In the 1 1/2 weeks that I ate SAD I gained 17 pounds. Yes, you read that right, 17 pounds. That is crazy to me. If you add in the fact that I was losing 1 to 1 1/2 pounds a week that puts the total amount of weight that I am up at right around 20 pounds, as I could have lost 3 additional pounds in that 2 week period. That is very annoying. I have decided that I do not want to weigh myself every week anymore either. Once a month is good for me. I don't want to just focus on weight loss either although that is a very obvious and important goal for me. I need to go back through my raw book and reread all the reserach and data about raw foor versus cooked foods in regards to health. I remember when I first went raw I was reading all the time. The mere thought of eating SAD made me sick. I wanted nothing ot do with it. I need to be at that place again and be able to see SAD food for what it really is.
So looking forward now and not looking back. I don't want to beat myself up about the last couple weeks. That will not do me any good and could send me into a tailspin of self destruction. I don't want that!! So I started my day today with some carrot/apple juice and then had a green smoothie with bananas, bluberries and spinach for lunch. Forward, forward! I will weigh in on Jan 1st and then again on the beginning of every month. I want to point out too that I am proud of myself for not just saying forget it and waiting until the first of the year to start fresh. Yay for me!
Info for today:
carrot/apple juice for breakfast
green smoothie with blueberries, bananas and spinach for lunch
I will probably have a large green salad for supper
exercise:
20 min onthe elliptical
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Puling Out Of It
I think I am coming to an end of all this craving garbage. I felt a lot stronger yesterday and the day before. On Thursday I went to a mothers get together. There was tons of food spread out including cookies and bread stuff. Plus gourmet coffee. Lots of sweets, just what I had been craving. But I just drank water and was fine. I stayed away from the food and talked with the other mothers there. I made sure I ate on the way there so I was not overly hungry. By the time I left I was really hungry though and I enjoyed a nice big salad when I got home feeling very proud of myself. I was very happy to have resisted any temptations and stayed raw. Yesterday I did not struggle so much with visions of SAD food. So I am glad to be pulling out of this SAD food craving for now.
So now I need to try to figure out what I am going to make for Christmas, both for myself and my family. The children will be getting some chocolate in their stockings so I will make something chocolatey for myself as well. I am thinking of doing Maraw's pancakes for breakfast with a blueberry syrup. Those were really yummy and would be a great 'special breakfast' for Christmas. Other than that I am at a loss for ideas. I need to do some searches and see what I come up with. I might make some more kale chips. Maybe some crackers and dip. That is always good. And if I can find the recipe I would like to try to make raw gingerbread cookies again. I did it a couple years ago and they were really good. Maybe some other type of cookies as well. The children want to make regular SAD sugar cookies so I need something that I can eat so that I can resist those SAD cookies. It is not so much that I am a big cookie person. But I am a picker, especially since the baby doesn't let me sit down to actual meals much. I want to make sure that I have food that I can pick at in case she doesn't let me eat. So I need to search for some recipes.
On the exercising front I have not done too well. I did dig out the mini tramp the other day and jumped on it for awhile. And I found some of my exercise DVD's. I really want, no NEED, to get going on exercise. I need to find out when there will be some 5K's coming up and sign up for them. That will force me to get going so that I can do the run. That is what I need to do.
On the shampoo front, or rather the no shampoo front, things are going good. My hair looks good still. It feels a little, how do I say it? thick maybe. But it is going better than I expected. The only down side to this whole experiment is that the shower is about the only place where I have complete silence and no one is talking to me, asking me questions, or needing my assistance. Since I am no longer lathering up my hair with shampoo and conditioner I don't really have an excuse to take a long drawn out shower. But I am not letting that stop me! I still try to stay in as long as possible.
Guess that is all for now. My fingers are getting tired and I can hear the baby beginning to stir.
I can say it again because I am starting to feel it;
I love raw!
So now I need to try to figure out what I am going to make for Christmas, both for myself and my family. The children will be getting some chocolate in their stockings so I will make something chocolatey for myself as well. I am thinking of doing Maraw's pancakes for breakfast with a blueberry syrup. Those were really yummy and would be a great 'special breakfast' for Christmas. Other than that I am at a loss for ideas. I need to do some searches and see what I come up with. I might make some more kale chips. Maybe some crackers and dip. That is always good. And if I can find the recipe I would like to try to make raw gingerbread cookies again. I did it a couple years ago and they were really good. Maybe some other type of cookies as well. The children want to make regular SAD sugar cookies so I need something that I can eat so that I can resist those SAD cookies. It is not so much that I am a big cookie person. But I am a picker, especially since the baby doesn't let me sit down to actual meals much. I want to make sure that I have food that I can pick at in case she doesn't let me eat. So I need to search for some recipes.
On the exercising front I have not done too well. I did dig out the mini tramp the other day and jumped on it for awhile. And I found some of my exercise DVD's. I really want, no NEED, to get going on exercise. I need to find out when there will be some 5K's coming up and sign up for them. That will force me to get going so that I can do the run. That is what I need to do.
On the shampoo front, or rather the no shampoo front, things are going good. My hair looks good still. It feels a little, how do I say it? thick maybe. But it is going better than I expected. The only down side to this whole experiment is that the shower is about the only place where I have complete silence and no one is talking to me, asking me questions, or needing my assistance. Since I am no longer lathering up my hair with shampoo and conditioner I don't really have an excuse to take a long drawn out shower. But I am not letting that stop me! I still try to stay in as long as possible.
Guess that is all for now. My fingers are getting tired and I can hear the baby beginning to stir.
I can say it again because I am starting to feel it;
I love raw!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Getting Through
Hello,
I have been struggling daily with really bad cravings but I am getting through it and I am still raw. I am not letting myself get too hungry, making smoothies and keeping full. That way I don't feel too tempted. It is hard to want to eat pizza when you are stuffed with smoothies. :) SO right now I am drinking a green smoothie with bananas, blueberries and spinach. So it is actually more bronmish due to the blueberries. I can do this. I know I can. I want to succeed and feel strong and healthy. Just wanted to update that I am still going, resisting the SAD stuff and eating raw. I pan on making up a menu for me of goodies to make to get me through this holiday season. I can try the 80-10-10 again after New Years. For now I just need to focus on doing whatever it takes to stay all raw.
I have been struggling daily with really bad cravings but I am getting through it and I am still raw. I am not letting myself get too hungry, making smoothies and keeping full. That way I don't feel too tempted. It is hard to want to eat pizza when you are stuffed with smoothies. :) SO right now I am drinking a green smoothie with bananas, blueberries and spinach. So it is actually more bronmish due to the blueberries. I can do this. I know I can. I want to succeed and feel strong and healthy. Just wanted to update that I am still going, resisting the SAD stuff and eating raw. I pan on making up a menu for me of goodies to make to get me through this holiday season. I can try the 80-10-10 again after New Years. For now I just need to focus on doing whatever it takes to stay all raw.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
A Rough Week, But Still Raw
This week was really tough and I don't know why. I just felt off all week. I really wanted to eat SAD. I kept wondering what the whole point was. I just felt off and blah and struggled within myself a lot during the last few days. But I have stayed raw throughout. I have not caved. I have not been able to follow the 80-10-10 much this week. But I figured that it is better to eat raw than SAD. Even if it is not 80-10-10. So I have been doing what I need to in order to stay raw.
Today was a weigh in day for me. I am glad that I stayed true to raw. I lost another 2 pounds this week. I am now officially under 200 weighing in at 198.5 this morning. I am glad to be back in the hundreds again.
I think that part of my problem is just the season. I have been craving cookies and candy. And savory stuff and breads. Gee, I am just craving everything right now! It is a Christmas thing. It is also a feeling of being the only one doing this that gets old at times. I will need to try to find some raw treats to get me through this Christmas.
Oh, a side note about my hair. I have not used shampoo in over a week and my hair still looks and feels great. I like it, it is really neat not to have to use shampoo and other products. Hubby has not noticed anything at all so far. If my hair looked bad he would have said something. So that is a good thing. I wonder if the whole no shampoo thing would work if I wasn't raw or if they go hand and hand. Curious.
I guess that is all for now.
Today was a weigh in day for me. I am glad that I stayed true to raw. I lost another 2 pounds this week. I am now officially under 200 weighing in at 198.5 this morning. I am glad to be back in the hundreds again.
I think that part of my problem is just the season. I have been craving cookies and candy. And savory stuff and breads. Gee, I am just craving everything right now! It is a Christmas thing. It is also a feeling of being the only one doing this that gets old at times. I will need to try to find some raw treats to get me through this Christmas.
Oh, a side note about my hair. I have not used shampoo in over a week and my hair still looks and feels great. I like it, it is really neat not to have to use shampoo and other products. Hubby has not noticed anything at all so far. If my hair looked bad he would have said something. So that is a good thing. I wonder if the whole no shampoo thing would work if I wasn't raw or if they go hand and hand. Curious.
I guess that is all for now.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Trying Something New
So after a lot of thought and research I have decided to try doing 80-10-10 for the month of December. Posting it here should keep me accountable. Yesterday was my first day. I tracked most of my food in FitDay. I am concerned about getting enough calories due to nursing. I need about 1200 a day for me (according to the charts) plus 400-600 more for nursing. So if I hit 1600-1800 a day I should be good. I have never had a problem with milk production in the past. Even when I went raw nursing little sptifire 5 years ago. So here is my day yesterday:
Breakfast - green smoothie with 3 cups spinach and 5 bananas
Lunch - added 2 more bananas, some more water and some strawberries to the rest of the smoothie still left in the blender from breakfast
snack - 1 pear, 1 orange
dinner - ended up being another smoothie with 4 bananas, 3 dates and some cocao powder. Originally I made a salad using a tomato and half a red pepper for a dressing. The dressing tasted fine on its own but did not taste good on the salad I made. I have come to the realization that I need some fats in my salads to make them appealing to me. Like avocadoes or nut based dressings. Or both :) So the salad ended up in the trash. I just couldn't choke it down.
Perhaps I should elaborate a bit more on my experiment. One of the goals of this month is to try to break my salt addiction and enjoy more simple foods. One of the ways to do that is to not add any extra fat or salt to my diet. So that means no nuts, no aocadoes, no nut butter or seeds, no oils. I think that I will miss my avocadoes. This could get really hard. If I start to feel too deprived I give myself permission to have some avocado, and I realize that they are not forbidden on the 80-10-10 plan. I just want to try simplicity for this month and see how it goes.
Another experiment that I am embaring on is the no shampoo bit. I washed my hair this morning with just water. I will see how it goes, but right now it looks fine. I do not plan on saying anything to hubby about it. I want to see if he notices anything different about my hair. It would be really great to break my dependence on hair care products.
This morning the power went off for several hours. As a result I was unable to make my usual morning smoothie. And it got really cold in here. I started seriously thinking about SAD foods for the first time since starting back up in earnest in October. That was bad. On top of not having a blender, it being really cold, having no phone or computer and no way to contact anyone, and no vehicle, I also got very bad news about the death of a dear friend that we used to go to church with. She died from cancer and I didn't even know that she was sick. So I had a really rough morning. We have M&M's in the cupboard and they started calling to me. I ignored them. Once the power came back on I cranked up the heat and made a smoothie right away. But I was so cold that drinking it was no fun and I really wanted something warm. I struggled with this for awhile and had to sit quietly (or as quietly as I could in my house) and just stop myself from making a calzone (which is what I wanted to do) I was very sad thinking about the death of this amazing woman. But I realized that I did not want her death to cause me to go off raw. If I ate the calzone she would still be gone. I can not change that. But I can change how I react to the news. Plus I know myself and going off now would trigger a three week long binge on SAD foods straight through the holiday and beyond.
I need to get more calories in today. I may allow myself a nice big salad with an avocado and nut butter dressing. It is better than a SAD calzone and I am truly hungry and still cold right now. Even with the heat cranked up. Or I may just make another smoothie. I'll post more tomorrow. Either way I plan to stay true to raw and not let the cold and my sadness get the better of me.
Breakfast - green smoothie with 3 cups spinach and 5 bananas
Lunch - added 2 more bananas, some more water and some strawberries to the rest of the smoothie still left in the blender from breakfast
snack - 1 pear, 1 orange
dinner - ended up being another smoothie with 4 bananas, 3 dates and some cocao powder. Originally I made a salad using a tomato and half a red pepper for a dressing. The dressing tasted fine on its own but did not taste good on the salad I made. I have come to the realization that I need some fats in my salads to make them appealing to me. Like avocadoes or nut based dressings. Or both :) So the salad ended up in the trash. I just couldn't choke it down.
Perhaps I should elaborate a bit more on my experiment. One of the goals of this month is to try to break my salt addiction and enjoy more simple foods. One of the ways to do that is to not add any extra fat or salt to my diet. So that means no nuts, no aocadoes, no nut butter or seeds, no oils. I think that I will miss my avocadoes. This could get really hard. If I start to feel too deprived I give myself permission to have some avocado, and I realize that they are not forbidden on the 80-10-10 plan. I just want to try simplicity for this month and see how it goes.
Another experiment that I am embaring on is the no shampoo bit. I washed my hair this morning with just water. I will see how it goes, but right now it looks fine. I do not plan on saying anything to hubby about it. I want to see if he notices anything different about my hair. It would be really great to break my dependence on hair care products.
This morning the power went off for several hours. As a result I was unable to make my usual morning smoothie. And it got really cold in here. I started seriously thinking about SAD foods for the first time since starting back up in earnest in October. That was bad. On top of not having a blender, it being really cold, having no phone or computer and no way to contact anyone, and no vehicle, I also got very bad news about the death of a dear friend that we used to go to church with. She died from cancer and I didn't even know that she was sick. So I had a really rough morning. We have M&M's in the cupboard and they started calling to me. I ignored them. Once the power came back on I cranked up the heat and made a smoothie right away. But I was so cold that drinking it was no fun and I really wanted something warm. I struggled with this for awhile and had to sit quietly (or as quietly as I could in my house) and just stop myself from making a calzone (which is what I wanted to do) I was very sad thinking about the death of this amazing woman. But I realized that I did not want her death to cause me to go off raw. If I ate the calzone she would still be gone. I can not change that. But I can change how I react to the news. Plus I know myself and going off now would trigger a three week long binge on SAD foods straight through the holiday and beyond.
I need to get more calories in today. I may allow myself a nice big salad with an avocado and nut butter dressing. It is better than a SAD calzone and I am truly hungry and still cold right now. Even with the heat cranked up. Or I may just make another smoothie. I'll post more tomorrow. Either way I plan to stay true to raw and not let the cold and my sadness get the better of me.
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