Today has been a very good day. I am back on track with my eating and it feels wonderful. Today I had:
2 lbs of grapes
green smoothie with 4 bananas, 6 oz of spinach and water
watermelon
2 lbs of blueberries (about)
So far the total calories are around 1600. I was curious to see what my intake was but I won't be doing that every day. Part of the joy of eating raw is the freedom to not have to count calories and track that stuff. I also ate mostly mono meals, meaning that I only ate one food at a time. I'm trying to keep things simple.
I may have another smoothie or some more blueberries before I go to bed if I feel hungry.
We went blueberry picking today. I love having fresh delicious blueberries to just graze on whenever I want. Mmm! They are so good. I ate quite a few berries while we were picking and then came home and had another 10 ounces of them. They are yummy!
I also went for a nice brisk walk this evening. I tucked Little Angel around me in her Mobi Wrap and off we went. I think I walked about 2.5 miles. Maybe a bit more. I will have to clock it in the van soon to see exactly how far I walked. Little Angel enjoyed herself and fell asleep about half way through the walk. The toes on my left foot hurt really bad for the last mile and a dog followed me home. It was just a little dog and I actually enjoyed having the company. I wish I could take my own dogs on a walk with me but they have no leash manners and would not do so well. I'd end up getting dragged down the road or lose them altogether. I really dislike going out by myself though. It makes me so nervous. One of the neighbors told me that there was a cougar or mountain lion stalking a woman jogger awhile back. I wish I had a partner to go out with. Someone other than one of my children. An adult walking partner would be great. Today was actually the first time that I have went out walking because I have been afraid. Which sucks. I love being outside. I would much rather exercise by jogging or walking outside than on the elliptical. I just love being outside. So that is hard.
Anyways, just wanted to let everyone know that I am back on track and today has been a wonderful day. I need to take this one day at a time, focus on my health, exercise and not get ahead of myself and start worrying. And breathe. In and out. I can do this!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Confessions
Ugh...I feel really ill. I ended up caving for some SAD food. SAD is a good term to use for it, because now I feel very sad about the whole thing. And sick. I feel really really sick. And I am dissapointed with myself. I have come to realize a couple of things though and I need to write everything down and explore my feelings about stuff.
#1 - I don't finish things. This is something that I have always struggled with. I made it to the evening of day 76 of the 77 day initiative and then quit and ate SAD. With one day to go. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I think that I am afraid of success. I don't know. But I have never "finished" losing weight. I have never made it to my goal. I have always given up before reaching my goals. I think that maybe I am afraid to succeed. I need to look into this more. I need to really dig deep into myself to try and figure out why I have never finished what I started weight wise.
#2 - If you don't use it you lose it. I got on the elliptical the other day and thought I would die! Back when I was doing it regularly I was able to do 5 miles in one hour. Now I struggled and groaned through 1 mile and then thought I was going to die. 1 mile!! And I was gasping for air. My lungs were burning. So I need to make exercise a daily thing. If I want to succeed (and I really do regardless of how I sabotage myself) I have to get into a regular exercising routine and stick to it. No excuses.
#3 - Production is way up! Milk production that is. Sorry, if you don't want to read about this, go ahead and skip ahead to the next point if you want, but I have to document this because I forgot about it before and it is important. I am still solely nursing Little Angel. And since eating SAD foods my milk production is way up. Engorged would be a better word. Now before anyone gets the wrong idea here I want to clarify a few things. To begin with I have never had a problem with milk. She has always had exactly what she needed and has always been able to eat until satisfied and full. When eating raw I always have enough to meet her needs. But when I eat SAD my milk production skyrockets. You may think that is a good thing. Wrong! It is not a good thing. Any woman who has ever nursed will understand the pain of engorgement as well as the irritation of overflowing milk ducts. And it is no fun for Little Angel either. She has a much harder time latching on when I have so much milk and she gets drowned by the flow. Poor baby. She is just gulping and gasping. We are both much happier in this department when I eat raw. Which brings me to another point.....
#4 - Everything I eat, the baby eats. This one is hard to write about because it makes me feel like a bad Mama, but I need to write it down so I don't forget. Poor Little Angel got a runny nose within 24 hours of my introducing SAD foods into my diet. She is not used to that sort of stuff and it affected her adversely. My poor baby. I feel very guilty about this.
#5 - I feel so bloated right now. My stomach is sick. I have to keep running to the bathroom. My ankles and fingers are swollen. And no, I am not pregnant. This is all a result of eating SAD foods. I feel awful.
#6 - I can not weigh myself every day or every week. I have to do it just once a month. I get obssesed with that scale and it makes me crazy and angry and irritated. It takes over my every thought and has the power to ruin my day. When I weigh myself once a month it gives me something to shoot for. A goal. It actually helps me to stay on track because I want to see a good number at the beginning of the month. Its like a reward then, for all my hard work. Seeing the number go down a little, then up, then stay the same forever, then up again then down a bit drives me NUTS! I can't do that anymore. So no more initiatives. That was not good for me. The once a month plan was working really good for me and I am going back to that. No sneak peak weigh ins, no cheating. The 1st of the month and that is it!
I had more that I wanted to write about but since it is now 3 hours after I originally began writing this post (lots of interuptions!) I can not remember what else I wanted to say. Hopefully a couple of good clean days of raw food will make me feel better. I still plan on weighing in on the 1st of July. My weight will probably be up quite a bit but I will record the truth. I generally gain between 2-3 pounds a day when I eat SAD and I had a 5 day SAD binge. Yes, 2-3 pounds a day. That is not a typo, it is my sad (SAD) reality. Yikes! Hopefully I can undue some of the damage in the next couple of days before my weigh in.
#1 - I don't finish things. This is something that I have always struggled with. I made it to the evening of day 76 of the 77 day initiative and then quit and ate SAD. With one day to go. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I think that I am afraid of success. I don't know. But I have never "finished" losing weight. I have never made it to my goal. I have always given up before reaching my goals. I think that maybe I am afraid to succeed. I need to look into this more. I need to really dig deep into myself to try and figure out why I have never finished what I started weight wise.
#2 - If you don't use it you lose it. I got on the elliptical the other day and thought I would die! Back when I was doing it regularly I was able to do 5 miles in one hour. Now I struggled and groaned through 1 mile and then thought I was going to die. 1 mile!! And I was gasping for air. My lungs were burning. So I need to make exercise a daily thing. If I want to succeed (and I really do regardless of how I sabotage myself) I have to get into a regular exercising routine and stick to it. No excuses.
#3 - Production is way up! Milk production that is. Sorry, if you don't want to read about this, go ahead and skip ahead to the next point if you want, but I have to document this because I forgot about it before and it is important. I am still solely nursing Little Angel. And since eating SAD foods my milk production is way up. Engorged would be a better word. Now before anyone gets the wrong idea here I want to clarify a few things. To begin with I have never had a problem with milk. She has always had exactly what she needed and has always been able to eat until satisfied and full. When eating raw I always have enough to meet her needs. But when I eat SAD my milk production skyrockets. You may think that is a good thing. Wrong! It is not a good thing. Any woman who has ever nursed will understand the pain of engorgement as well as the irritation of overflowing milk ducts. And it is no fun for Little Angel either. She has a much harder time latching on when I have so much milk and she gets drowned by the flow. Poor baby. She is just gulping and gasping. We are both much happier in this department when I eat raw. Which brings me to another point.....
#4 - Everything I eat, the baby eats. This one is hard to write about because it makes me feel like a bad Mama, but I need to write it down so I don't forget. Poor Little Angel got a runny nose within 24 hours of my introducing SAD foods into my diet. She is not used to that sort of stuff and it affected her adversely. My poor baby. I feel very guilty about this.
#5 - I feel so bloated right now. My stomach is sick. I have to keep running to the bathroom. My ankles and fingers are swollen. And no, I am not pregnant. This is all a result of eating SAD foods. I feel awful.
#6 - I can not weigh myself every day or every week. I have to do it just once a month. I get obssesed with that scale and it makes me crazy and angry and irritated. It takes over my every thought and has the power to ruin my day. When I weigh myself once a month it gives me something to shoot for. A goal. It actually helps me to stay on track because I want to see a good number at the beginning of the month. Its like a reward then, for all my hard work. Seeing the number go down a little, then up, then stay the same forever, then up again then down a bit drives me NUTS! I can't do that anymore. So no more initiatives. That was not good for me. The once a month plan was working really good for me and I am going back to that. No sneak peak weigh ins, no cheating. The 1st of the month and that is it!
I had more that I wanted to write about but since it is now 3 hours after I originally began writing this post (lots of interuptions!) I can not remember what else I wanted to say. Hopefully a couple of good clean days of raw food will make me feel better. I still plan on weighing in on the 1st of July. My weight will probably be up quite a bit but I will record the truth. I generally gain between 2-3 pounds a day when I eat SAD and I had a 5 day SAD binge. Yes, 2-3 pounds a day. That is not a typo, it is my sad (SAD) reality. Yikes! Hopefully I can undue some of the damage in the next couple of days before my weigh in.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Fighting Doubts
The scale has not been kind to me lately. Not kind at all. In fact, when I weighed myself today I was up which is very discouraging and depressing. Lately I have been questioing my resolve. I get to this point every now and then. Can I commit to this lifestyle for the long haul? I don't know. Can I do this forever? I have no idea. Probably not. In order for something to really change it has to become an integral part of your life.
For instance the people on the Biggest Loser (weight loss show on TV) who keep the weight off that they lost are the ones who come back home and change their whole life. They become physical fitness instructors, motivational speakers, personal trainers. They are the ones who succeed. The people who go home and go back to life as normal struggle to stay fit and trim. So in order for me to be able to do this forever, for the long haul, for good, I have to somehow make this a part of who I am and I have not been able to figure out how to do that yet. There is a part of me that would love to do instructional and educational classes on raw food. But then I question whether anyone would listen to me. I am still technically "obese". That is so sad. Who would want to listen to what I have to say about eating healthy when I am obese? I would love to open a little raw food cafe but I don't have the money to do that. Or a home delivery service. That would be fun. But I don't know if there is any interest in something like that.
In the past when doubted my ability to do this forever I would correct myself with the thought that I don't know if I can do this forever, but I can do it today and that is all that matters. It ususally works. But then I have days like today when I feel overwhelmed and want to throw in the towel. I want to quit. So far I have been on target with my eating. I have not cheated but I am fighting against it. I have had a bunch of grapes, two avocadoes and a huge bowl of salsa. I feel pretty full now. I just wish that stupid scale would reflect all of the hard work I have been doing. I hate that scale. I really, really do. I want to cry. I want to jump up and down and scream. It is NOT fair! And in my head I know that eating pizza for supper will not help anything. It will probably make the scale go up even more. It will not make me feel better. Not really. Oh, the pelasure of eating something bready and doughy and ooey gooey will be real, but eventually it will make me feel worse and start the viscious cycle of eating, feeling guilty, and eating more all over again. And I don't want that.
In other news today we visited a senior center with the goal of finding a way to volunteer and visit with the elderly residents. We are scheduled to go back to spend some time with them next Tuesday and we may be delivering meals to shut in as well next month. I also need to call another center to find out about volunteer oppurtunities that they might have. I feel that it is so important to remember our senior citizens and to have my children actively involved in interacting with them. It is beneficial for all parties involved. These people are very valuable members of our society and need to be treated with respect and honor in the final years of their lives. Too often senion citizens are overlooked and neglected. I want for myself and my children to be part of the solution. We can learn so much from them.
Thats all for now.
Do I love raw? yes. I do. I'm just not "feeling it" right now.
For instance the people on the Biggest Loser (weight loss show on TV) who keep the weight off that they lost are the ones who come back home and change their whole life. They become physical fitness instructors, motivational speakers, personal trainers. They are the ones who succeed. The people who go home and go back to life as normal struggle to stay fit and trim. So in order for me to be able to do this forever, for the long haul, for good, I have to somehow make this a part of who I am and I have not been able to figure out how to do that yet. There is a part of me that would love to do instructional and educational classes on raw food. But then I question whether anyone would listen to me. I am still technically "obese". That is so sad. Who would want to listen to what I have to say about eating healthy when I am obese? I would love to open a little raw food cafe but I don't have the money to do that. Or a home delivery service. That would be fun. But I don't know if there is any interest in something like that.
In the past when doubted my ability to do this forever I would correct myself with the thought that I don't know if I can do this forever, but I can do it today and that is all that matters. It ususally works. But then I have days like today when I feel overwhelmed and want to throw in the towel. I want to quit. So far I have been on target with my eating. I have not cheated but I am fighting against it. I have had a bunch of grapes, two avocadoes and a huge bowl of salsa. I feel pretty full now. I just wish that stupid scale would reflect all of the hard work I have been doing. I hate that scale. I really, really do. I want to cry. I want to jump up and down and scream. It is NOT fair! And in my head I know that eating pizza for supper will not help anything. It will probably make the scale go up even more. It will not make me feel better. Not really. Oh, the pelasure of eating something bready and doughy and ooey gooey will be real, but eventually it will make me feel worse and start the viscious cycle of eating, feeling guilty, and eating more all over again. And I don't want that.
In other news today we visited a senior center with the goal of finding a way to volunteer and visit with the elderly residents. We are scheduled to go back to spend some time with them next Tuesday and we may be delivering meals to shut in as well next month. I also need to call another center to find out about volunteer oppurtunities that they might have. I feel that it is so important to remember our senior citizens and to have my children actively involved in interacting with them. It is beneficial for all parties involved. These people are very valuable members of our society and need to be treated with respect and honor in the final years of their lives. Too often senion citizens are overlooked and neglected. I want for myself and my children to be part of the solution. We can learn so much from them.
Thats all for now.
Do I love raw? yes. I do. I'm just not "feeling it" right now.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Judging And Other Thoughts
Have you ever noticed how much we, as women, judge other women by the way that they look? We instantly make all sorts of judgements about them immediately just by looking at them. Ladies does this sound at all familiar? - "Wow, she is so fat, how'd she ever get such a good loooking husband?" or "What is such a good looking guy doing with someone who looks like her?" or "She seems so happy, even though she is fat." or "Look how skinny she is, she looks great!" or "Why doesn't she stand up straight, she has such awful posture!"
Why do we judge so much on someones outward appearance? Or have you ever been totally wrong about someone after meeting them? That beautiful woman with the incredible figure is not such a nice person and isn't happy at all, while the mousy looking housewife leads a happy and fulfilled life.
Ever wonder what people think about you? I do. I always wonder what people are thinking to themselves when they look at me, or meet me for the first time. And I wish I could turn that little voice off inside my head. I have gotten much better, and before any of you get the wrong impression I am far from catty. And I try really hard not to judge people. I just wonder what makes people tick sometimes. I am the type of person who likes details. I like to hear peoples stories and I wonder how my story will turn out.
Sometimes I see a beautiful successful and seemingly happy overweight woman and I wonder how she can be so happy at her weight when I was so miserable. Then I think that perhaps she is not so happy? Did people look at me and think that I was happy? Because I wasn't happy. Not at 225 pounds. I was far from happy, but I think I hid it well. I wonder if those plus size models are truly happy with their bodies. If they are then good for them. Sometimes I wish that I could be happy no matter what my weight is but I am terribly self conscious and I know that I could never truly not care about what other people think of me. I am too self critical. Plus now I am trying to put my focus on health and how I feel. I know that I feel better now. I still have a good 40 pounds to lose to get out of the "overweight" category. But I feel much better now then I did at the start of this year.
Today at church we had a Fathers Day breakfast. I had forgotten all about it. When we had the Mothers Day breakfast I made a really special and delicious breakfast to bring with me and eat at the church but since I had toally forgotten about the Fathers Day breakfast I didn't have time to do that. But that was ok. I brought some grapes and I was perfectly happy with that. But I sat across from a lady who was looking at me weird. She was an older lady so I could forgive her for looking at me oddly. "Aren't you going to eat?" she asked. (Apparently eating grapes does not constitute eating) "Yes," I smiled, holding up my grapes. "What, you don't eat this kind of food?" she asked pointedly. "Um, noooo, I fine with my grapes, it's ok." Another big smile. Then I changed the subject. But why should I have to be on the defensive? And what must these people think of me? "Oh, there's that lady with all those kids, you know she never eats anything at our potlucks. She's so strange, I wonder what her problem is?" I don't know. Maybe they don't think that. And I don't feel that it is my right to denounce their food to them while they are shoveling it in. I can just hear that conversation. "Do you really know what you are eating? Ever think about where your food comes from and how it got to the table? Ever consider what happened to that food during processing? Do you know what they put in sausage? Do you know how many antibiotics and growth hormones not to mention chemicals and nitrates are in that bacon you're eating? Do you realize that there is no fiber in that food and it will just stick with you for days getting rancid and nasty while stuck in your digestive track leading to a higher risk of colon cancer? Sure it tastes good, but you do realize that you are eating the flesh of a pig, right?" Yeah, not real good church potluck conversation. So I keep my mouth shut unless someone asks me and even then I temper what I am going to say based on how the question was asked and if the person really wants a truthful answer. If they really want to know why I am eating the way that I am then I will go into detail about it. Delicately. Otherwise I say something vague about not feeling well when I eat lots of starch or not being able to eat sugar, or being vegan.
Right now I have some flax crackers in the form of a pizza dehydrating, plus large and small flax crackers. I am going to make some more salsa and I have cashews soaking for cheese. That means that it is pizza night for me! Actually I just realized how late it is. It is almost 6 PM. I think I will save the pizza for lunch tomorrow. Oh wait!! I have to go to the dentist tomorrow. Shoot!!! What awful timing on my part. I have to get another filling so half of my face is going to be all numb and weird looking. And there is no way I'll be able to eat that pizza for a couple of days. Hmm, I didn't plan that one out very well did I? Darn! Guess I'll be having it for a late supper after all. I do love the my salsa. I have just been eating it with a spoon. It is so good. MMMMMMM! I want to try eating it with the flax crackers as well. It should be yummy. The crackers should keep pretty good for once my face and teeth heal from the fillings. I'll be having soft stuff tomorrow.
Well since I am eating pizza I better go get started on making it!
I love raw.
Why do we judge so much on someones outward appearance? Or have you ever been totally wrong about someone after meeting them? That beautiful woman with the incredible figure is not such a nice person and isn't happy at all, while the mousy looking housewife leads a happy and fulfilled life.
Ever wonder what people think about you? I do. I always wonder what people are thinking to themselves when they look at me, or meet me for the first time. And I wish I could turn that little voice off inside my head. I have gotten much better, and before any of you get the wrong impression I am far from catty. And I try really hard not to judge people. I just wonder what makes people tick sometimes. I am the type of person who likes details. I like to hear peoples stories and I wonder how my story will turn out.
Sometimes I see a beautiful successful and seemingly happy overweight woman and I wonder how she can be so happy at her weight when I was so miserable. Then I think that perhaps she is not so happy? Did people look at me and think that I was happy? Because I wasn't happy. Not at 225 pounds. I was far from happy, but I think I hid it well. I wonder if those plus size models are truly happy with their bodies. If they are then good for them. Sometimes I wish that I could be happy no matter what my weight is but I am terribly self conscious and I know that I could never truly not care about what other people think of me. I am too self critical. Plus now I am trying to put my focus on health and how I feel. I know that I feel better now. I still have a good 40 pounds to lose to get out of the "overweight" category. But I feel much better now then I did at the start of this year.
Today at church we had a Fathers Day breakfast. I had forgotten all about it. When we had the Mothers Day breakfast I made a really special and delicious breakfast to bring with me and eat at the church but since I had toally forgotten about the Fathers Day breakfast I didn't have time to do that. But that was ok. I brought some grapes and I was perfectly happy with that. But I sat across from a lady who was looking at me weird. She was an older lady so I could forgive her for looking at me oddly. "Aren't you going to eat?" she asked. (Apparently eating grapes does not constitute eating) "Yes," I smiled, holding up my grapes. "What, you don't eat this kind of food?" she asked pointedly. "Um, noooo, I fine with my grapes, it's ok." Another big smile. Then I changed the subject. But why should I have to be on the defensive? And what must these people think of me? "Oh, there's that lady with all those kids, you know she never eats anything at our potlucks. She's so strange, I wonder what her problem is?" I don't know. Maybe they don't think that. And I don't feel that it is my right to denounce their food to them while they are shoveling it in. I can just hear that conversation. "Do you really know what you are eating? Ever think about where your food comes from and how it got to the table? Ever consider what happened to that food during processing? Do you know what they put in sausage? Do you know how many antibiotics and growth hormones not to mention chemicals and nitrates are in that bacon you're eating? Do you realize that there is no fiber in that food and it will just stick with you for days getting rancid and nasty while stuck in your digestive track leading to a higher risk of colon cancer? Sure it tastes good, but you do realize that you are eating the flesh of a pig, right?" Yeah, not real good church potluck conversation. So I keep my mouth shut unless someone asks me and even then I temper what I am going to say based on how the question was asked and if the person really wants a truthful answer. If they really want to know why I am eating the way that I am then I will go into detail about it. Delicately. Otherwise I say something vague about not feeling well when I eat lots of starch or not being able to eat sugar, or being vegan.
Right now I have some flax crackers in the form of a pizza dehydrating, plus large and small flax crackers. I am going to make some more salsa and I have cashews soaking for cheese. That means that it is pizza night for me! Actually I just realized how late it is. It is almost 6 PM. I think I will save the pizza for lunch tomorrow. Oh wait!! I have to go to the dentist tomorrow. Shoot!!! What awful timing on my part. I have to get another filling so half of my face is going to be all numb and weird looking. And there is no way I'll be able to eat that pizza for a couple of days. Hmm, I didn't plan that one out very well did I? Darn! Guess I'll be having it for a late supper after all. I do love the my salsa. I have just been eating it with a spoon. It is so good. MMMMMMM! I want to try eating it with the flax crackers as well. It should be yummy. The crackers should keep pretty good for once my face and teeth heal from the fillings. I'll be having soft stuff tomorrow.
Well since I am eating pizza I better go get started on making it!
I love raw.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Spciy, Spicy Salsa
I went a little overboard with my salsa yesterday. It was so hot that I had tears running down my face as I ate it. I was sweating while eating it and my whole mouth was on fire. I had to make some banana ice cream to eat afterwards to cool the heat. Phew!! I have been addicted to that salsa lately. It is so good!! I just need to kick the heat down a bit next time.
Something very cool has happened recently. I have a wonderful new milestone and any of you ladies who have been overweight will be able to understand the significance of my newest milestone. Here it is: I can cross my legs again. I don't know when it happened, but I can now sit on the couch and cross one leg over the other. That is so cool. I feel like much more of a "lady" when I can cross my legs. I love it!! I know that it is not the best way to sit for circulation but I have not been able to cross my legs in such a long time. So I am happy about this!
Yesterday I cleaned and rearranged the play room and living room. These two rooms look much better now. Much bigger and roomier. I like it. Now I just need to get my kitchen all cleaned up. Tomorrow we are going to try to get some blueberries at the U-pick place. Hopefully they will have a lot of them. I want to try and get a bunch put up in the freezer, and we need to make some jelly too.
That's all for now.
I love raw.
Something very cool has happened recently. I have a wonderful new milestone and any of you ladies who have been overweight will be able to understand the significance of my newest milestone. Here it is: I can cross my legs again. I don't know when it happened, but I can now sit on the couch and cross one leg over the other. That is so cool. I feel like much more of a "lady" when I can cross my legs. I love it!! I know that it is not the best way to sit for circulation but I have not been able to cross my legs in such a long time. So I am happy about this!
Yesterday I cleaned and rearranged the play room and living room. These two rooms look much better now. Much bigger and roomier. I like it. Now I just need to get my kitchen all cleaned up. Tomorrow we are going to try to get some blueberries at the U-pick place. Hopefully they will have a lot of them. I want to try and get a bunch put up in the freezer, and we need to make some jelly too.
That's all for now.
I love raw.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Salsa
Last night for supper I had the most amazing salsa! I cut up one tomato, one mango, one red pepper, and part of a pineapple. Then I added some sea salt and onion powder, some apple cider vinegar, cilantro and spicy red pepper flakes.It was SO GOOD! I diced up an avocado and had a huge bowl of the salsa with my avocado. The salsa was sweet and spicy and satisfying. The avocado was creamy and soft and made a nice contrast to the spicy salsa. It was a perfect supper.
Yesterday I bought a case of red grapes and I have been enjoying munching on those. I need a replacement for my oranges and I love grapes. I also bought a lovely watermelon that I intend to cut up for lunch for everyone to eat outside. I also may have found that produce supplier that I have been looking for. I wanted to start a produce co-op this past fall but never could find a supplier. I may have found one. I am waiting for final details and a price list. I am hoping this will work out the way I want.
Today I am feeling very optimistic and positive. I like it when I am feeling this way. And it is good for me to write down when I am feeling encouraged and positive. I am close to being 50 pounds down which is very exciting for me. That will mark my half way point. Also I have some cute clothes that should start fitting me in another 15-20 pounds which is pretty cool too. Very exciting! I love shrinking in to clothes! I also think I need to follow the lead of my fellow blogger, Dawne at 365 Days To A New Me, and buy some new undies. It is time. (I would link to you Dawne, but I have no idea how to do that! Sorry! :) )
That's all for now.
I love raw!!
Yesterday I bought a case of red grapes and I have been enjoying munching on those. I need a replacement for my oranges and I love grapes. I also bought a lovely watermelon that I intend to cut up for lunch for everyone to eat outside. I also may have found that produce supplier that I have been looking for. I wanted to start a produce co-op this past fall but never could find a supplier. I may have found one. I am waiting for final details and a price list. I am hoping this will work out the way I want.
Today I am feeling very optimistic and positive. I like it when I am feeling this way. And it is good for me to write down when I am feeling encouraged and positive. I am close to being 50 pounds down which is very exciting for me. That will mark my half way point. Also I have some cute clothes that should start fitting me in another 15-20 pounds which is pretty cool too. Very exciting! I love shrinking in to clothes! I also think I need to follow the lead of my fellow blogger, Dawne at 365 Days To A New Me, and buy some new undies. It is time. (I would link to you Dawne, but I have no idea how to do that! Sorry! :) )
That's all for now.
I love raw!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Ramblings
Hello!!
Sorry for the long time no post thing. I have been so busy and my computer has been acting up as well. It kept kicking me off every web page I would open. It was very frustrating to say the least. But it appears to have sorted itself out now. At least it is not bumping me off everything anymore so that is good.
Summer is in full swing here and I am trying to plan out our time so that we get to enjoy some of the activities going on around here. Right now they are having a music festival in the neighboring areas and I want to try to take the children to as many events as possible. We already saw a harp demonstration which was really neat. There are also so many national parks and hiking trails around here that I am just itching to explore and I am suppossed to go visit an old school friend on her beef farm in Northern Illinois sometime this summer as well. The children are looking froward to that. She has horses! Ohhhh! I just need to plan everything. I am a big planner. I like to have lists and schedules too.
Foodwise things have been good and bad. I have been eating good, staying on track and not cheating. But I have been having food struggles. It seems like whenever I get stressed out about money I want to eat bad. I am such an emotional eater. I also am big on second guessing myself. I do it all the time. With big things and little things. I always agonize over what to do and then once I decide I always wish that I had chosen differently. This goes from things as insignificant as a menu item at a restaurant to more important things like what we named our daughter! (Awful huh?) And moving here, to this house. I love this house. It is very pretty. But it is not me. It is more modern with high catherdral ceilings and pretty detail throughout. I am definately more of an old farm house kind of a gal. Or an old victorian. Charm, character. I love those types of houses. Plus I worry that this house is too expensive for us. We should have gotten a cheaper house. We never have any money leftover from bills to do anything. Blah, blah, blah. And that is when the urge to just say to heck with it on my raw food starts to rear its ugly head. So far I have not given in. It will not accomplish anything to eat poorly. It will not make me feel better and will make me feel worse, nor will it solve our financial troubles. I think it is a control thing. I have no control over our finances but I can control what I put into my mouth and therefore I want to indulge in foods that are bad for me, since I can not indulge in activites that I want to such as going on vacation, getting lessons for the children (music, martial arts, horseback riding, ect.) So that is my battle.
I saw an awesome number on the scale this morning. And no I am not going to say what it was and yes I realize that I was not supposed to be on the scale in the first place. Shame on me! But it was so nice seeing that number and I am hoping, hoping, hoping that it will stay that low (or lower!) for Fridays weekly weigh in for the initiative. Only two more weigh ins for that and then I am done. I hope to end on a low note, hehehe.
Also I am reading a very interesting and eye opening book right now. It is called Animal Factory by David Kirby. It reads like a horror story, only it is true. Very scary. This book is a must read for anyone who is concerned about the quality of their food and the health of their communities and bodies.
Well I guess that is all for now. I need to do some research, make some phone calls and watch the baby. And eat. I'm hungry. Time for some grapes. Mmmmm!
I love raw :)
Sorry for the long time no post thing. I have been so busy and my computer has been acting up as well. It kept kicking me off every web page I would open. It was very frustrating to say the least. But it appears to have sorted itself out now. At least it is not bumping me off everything anymore so that is good.
Summer is in full swing here and I am trying to plan out our time so that we get to enjoy some of the activities going on around here. Right now they are having a music festival in the neighboring areas and I want to try to take the children to as many events as possible. We already saw a harp demonstration which was really neat. There are also so many national parks and hiking trails around here that I am just itching to explore and I am suppossed to go visit an old school friend on her beef farm in Northern Illinois sometime this summer as well. The children are looking froward to that. She has horses! Ohhhh! I just need to plan everything. I am a big planner. I like to have lists and schedules too.
Foodwise things have been good and bad. I have been eating good, staying on track and not cheating. But I have been having food struggles. It seems like whenever I get stressed out about money I want to eat bad. I am such an emotional eater. I also am big on second guessing myself. I do it all the time. With big things and little things. I always agonize over what to do and then once I decide I always wish that I had chosen differently. This goes from things as insignificant as a menu item at a restaurant to more important things like what we named our daughter! (Awful huh?) And moving here, to this house. I love this house. It is very pretty. But it is not me. It is more modern with high catherdral ceilings and pretty detail throughout. I am definately more of an old farm house kind of a gal. Or an old victorian. Charm, character. I love those types of houses. Plus I worry that this house is too expensive for us. We should have gotten a cheaper house. We never have any money leftover from bills to do anything. Blah, blah, blah. And that is when the urge to just say to heck with it on my raw food starts to rear its ugly head. So far I have not given in. It will not accomplish anything to eat poorly. It will not make me feel better and will make me feel worse, nor will it solve our financial troubles. I think it is a control thing. I have no control over our finances but I can control what I put into my mouth and therefore I want to indulge in foods that are bad for me, since I can not indulge in activites that I want to such as going on vacation, getting lessons for the children (music, martial arts, horseback riding, ect.) So that is my battle.
I saw an awesome number on the scale this morning. And no I am not going to say what it was and yes I realize that I was not supposed to be on the scale in the first place. Shame on me! But it was so nice seeing that number and I am hoping, hoping, hoping that it will stay that low (or lower!) for Fridays weekly weigh in for the initiative. Only two more weigh ins for that and then I am done. I hope to end on a low note, hehehe.
Also I am reading a very interesting and eye opening book right now. It is called Animal Factory by David Kirby. It reads like a horror story, only it is true. Very scary. This book is a must read for anyone who is concerned about the quality of their food and the health of their communities and bodies.
Well I guess that is all for now. I need to do some research, make some phone calls and watch the baby. And eat. I'm hungry. Time for some grapes. Mmmmm!
I love raw :)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Reaching 100!
No, not pounds (that would be nice though!). 100 posts. This is my 100th post since starting this journey in January. I am glad that I have stuck with the blogging. I think that it has really helped me. It is nice to read back through older posts, good times and bad. It is motivational and encouraging. Yay for me!
Things have been going really good here. Summer seems to be in full swing. The weather is warm and the children are done with school. I love this time of year when we can find fun things to do together. I am trying to plan our summer getaways. There are a few festivals and fairs that I would like to bring the children too as well as a rodeo I want to check out. We also want to take in a minor league baseball game and the children are participating in their 4H stuff and a youth fair. So even though we don't have school we still have lots going on. I might even take the children on a trip up to Northern Illinois to visit an old school friend for a couple days. And we have puppies due the third week of July. Busy, busy but it should be lots of fun and I am looking forward to it. :)
My oranges are dwindling down. I picked up the last box of them a couple of days ago and then that is it for the season. I wonder what my go to fruit will be once the oranges are all gone. I have been eating those for so long. It will be weird when I can't just grab a few oranges when I am hungry!
Yesterday a very dear friend from school told me that she and her husband are going to be eating raw. I am so excited about this! It will be wonderful to have another person to share recipes and commisterate with. If you are reading this you know how you are. I love you and I am so excited for both of you!!
The last couple of days have been going well food wise. I have been loving avocadoes even more than normal lately. I like to just cut them open, sprinkle some sea salt and onion powder on them and just eat it right out of the shell. Mmmm! SO good!! I did a sneak peak weigh in the other day and was happy with the number I saw. If it will stay where it is, or even go down just a tiny bit more for my Friday weekly check I will be a very happy person.
Well, I need to go get some breakfast going for myself and the children. We have a box of mangoes. I think I will make some smoothies.
I love raw!
Things have been going really good here. Summer seems to be in full swing. The weather is warm and the children are done with school. I love this time of year when we can find fun things to do together. I am trying to plan our summer getaways. There are a few festivals and fairs that I would like to bring the children too as well as a rodeo I want to check out. We also want to take in a minor league baseball game and the children are participating in their 4H stuff and a youth fair. So even though we don't have school we still have lots going on. I might even take the children on a trip up to Northern Illinois to visit an old school friend for a couple days. And we have puppies due the third week of July. Busy, busy but it should be lots of fun and I am looking forward to it. :)
My oranges are dwindling down. I picked up the last box of them a couple of days ago and then that is it for the season. I wonder what my go to fruit will be once the oranges are all gone. I have been eating those for so long. It will be weird when I can't just grab a few oranges when I am hungry!
Yesterday a very dear friend from school told me that she and her husband are going to be eating raw. I am so excited about this! It will be wonderful to have another person to share recipes and commisterate with. If you are reading this you know how you are. I love you and I am so excited for both of you!!
The last couple of days have been going well food wise. I have been loving avocadoes even more than normal lately. I like to just cut them open, sprinkle some sea salt and onion powder on them and just eat it right out of the shell. Mmmm! SO good!! I did a sneak peak weigh in the other day and was happy with the number I saw. If it will stay where it is, or even go down just a tiny bit more for my Friday weekly check I will be a very happy person.
Well, I need to go get some breakfast going for myself and the children. We have a box of mangoes. I think I will make some smoothies.
I love raw!
Monday, June 7, 2010
A Successful Night Out
On Saturday night we went over to our pastors house for dinner. The pastors wife was very sweet wanting to know what she could make for me. I really did not want to put her out and told her that a salad really would be just fine. She asked me to bring along something else, a side dish that I could eat, to accompany the lasagne that she was making. I racked my brain and thought and thought about what I could bring. I had no idea what to make! I didn't want to make another salad type dish. I wanted to make my flax cracker pizza things. Mmmmm! But I didn't have the ingredients to make them or the time. So I decided on nori rolls. Fast, easy and impresssive looking, nori rolls are so simple and they taste good too. So I brought a plate of nori rolls and I made some pecan date balls for dessert as well. I didn't get any pictures (shame on me!) but everything was yummy. The pastor and his wife actually liked my nori rolls (she wants the recipe) and the dessert that I had made (she also wants the recipe for that!). I was happy. Plus I liked them, I felt full and satisfied with my salad and nori rolls while everyone ese ate ooey gooey lasanga and fresh hot rolls (yikes!). We had a wonderful time visiting and all of our children played well together. It doesn't have to be about the food. Everyone fgocuses on the food but it was about the fellowship and the time together. I am so thankful that the pastor and his wife choose not to make a big deal out of my dietary choices as many others have done. What a wonderful couple they are!
I love Raw!
I love Raw!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
An I Don't Know Title
Because I don't know what to title this blog post. I have never been good with titles. When I was in school I always hated having to come up with a title for my stories and things. I could never think of a good title. And I have no idea what to title todays post. So there you have it.
Yesterday was a busy day with lots of thinking going on with me. We are wrapping up this school year now and my thoughts are turning ahead to next years school plan. I am looking at possibly changing up our school structure and the curriculum that we use. And this terrifies me! I love the curriculum we are curently using. I have seen the children learn so much using it and it really is a super program. A program that I recommend to everyone who asks me for advice on homeschooling. So you may wonder why I would think of changing it up right? I am wondering that myself and the only thing that comes to mind is a Heavenly nudge. I never thought I would change curriculums again. I LOVE what we are using. But now here it is. I am looking into a different curriculum trying to figure out what is best for our family for the next year and it is really tough! I hate making big decisions because I always second guess myself. It is a very annoying trait that I have. And this decision does not just affect me but the children as well. What if they hate the new curriculum? What if we can not incorporate it into our life? What if they are not learning enough? I just dont know. I need to pray and think some more and hopefully I can find a family that uses this curriculum to talk with them. That would be the most helpful. You may be wondering why I would think of changing if I love what we are using so much. Well for starters it is super expensive. Really, really, really expensive. We are swinging it, but it is really hard and gets more and more expensive as the years go on and more children are added to the homeschool rollcall. Also the family is very discombobulated. Everyone is off doing their own thing for school. Everyone is seperate. I would like some sort of family unity and together time. And this new curriculum sounds like it could be wonderful. But a lot more work for me. I just dont know.
In other news I find it very interesting how some days I can eat on plan, never think of eating anything not raw, be totally turned off by all things SAD and float right through my days, and others days I want to eat potato salad (?) I don't get this. I don't know why I can resist bready chocolatey things one day and then struggle with something menial the next. Why are some days so much easier than others? Why do some days feel like drudgery and torture and other days like a walk in the park?
Also I wish that I had not entered this 11 week initiative. I don't do well with weekly weigh ins. I do much better when I am not so focused on the accursed scale. But I made a commitment to this thing so I need to finish it out. After that though NO MORE! Once a month is really best for me while I am losing. More than that and I get irritated and frustrated and my focus is constantly on the scale. Once a week turns into every day which tunrs into morning noon and night with me being frustrated and annoyed with the readings. Not to mention totally scale obsessed. So when this initiative is over that is all. Back to my monthly weigh ins and no more than that until I reach my goal weight! Ugh!!
Little Angel is wanting some attention so that is all for now. Our air conditioner is working again and the house is cool and pleasant to be in again. Yay for air conditioning! It makes a HUGE difference! It is so much nicer in here now. Ahhhhh!
I love raw.
Yesterday was a busy day with lots of thinking going on with me. We are wrapping up this school year now and my thoughts are turning ahead to next years school plan. I am looking at possibly changing up our school structure and the curriculum that we use. And this terrifies me! I love the curriculum we are curently using. I have seen the children learn so much using it and it really is a super program. A program that I recommend to everyone who asks me for advice on homeschooling. So you may wonder why I would think of changing it up right? I am wondering that myself and the only thing that comes to mind is a Heavenly nudge. I never thought I would change curriculums again. I LOVE what we are using. But now here it is. I am looking into a different curriculum trying to figure out what is best for our family for the next year and it is really tough! I hate making big decisions because I always second guess myself. It is a very annoying trait that I have. And this decision does not just affect me but the children as well. What if they hate the new curriculum? What if we can not incorporate it into our life? What if they are not learning enough? I just dont know. I need to pray and think some more and hopefully I can find a family that uses this curriculum to talk with them. That would be the most helpful. You may be wondering why I would think of changing if I love what we are using so much. Well for starters it is super expensive. Really, really, really expensive. We are swinging it, but it is really hard and gets more and more expensive as the years go on and more children are added to the homeschool rollcall. Also the family is very discombobulated. Everyone is off doing their own thing for school. Everyone is seperate. I would like some sort of family unity and together time. And this new curriculum sounds like it could be wonderful. But a lot more work for me. I just dont know.
In other news I find it very interesting how some days I can eat on plan, never think of eating anything not raw, be totally turned off by all things SAD and float right through my days, and others days I want to eat potato salad (?) I don't get this. I don't know why I can resist bready chocolatey things one day and then struggle with something menial the next. Why are some days so much easier than others? Why do some days feel like drudgery and torture and other days like a walk in the park?
Also I wish that I had not entered this 11 week initiative. I don't do well with weekly weigh ins. I do much better when I am not so focused on the accursed scale. But I made a commitment to this thing so I need to finish it out. After that though NO MORE! Once a month is really best for me while I am losing. More than that and I get irritated and frustrated and my focus is constantly on the scale. Once a week turns into every day which tunrs into morning noon and night with me being frustrated and annoyed with the readings. Not to mention totally scale obsessed. So when this initiative is over that is all. Back to my monthly weigh ins and no more than that until I reach my goal weight! Ugh!!
Little Angel is wanting some attention so that is all for now. Our air conditioner is working again and the house is cool and pleasant to be in again. Yay for air conditioning! It makes a HUGE difference! It is so much nicer in here now. Ahhhhh!
I love raw.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
The Air Is On Again
The air conditioner guy just left. We have air again! Yay! Praise God! The house is still warm (over 85) but now it will cool off again. I am so happy. It was really hot this past week with temps in the house getting over 95. Yuck! Especially not fun to nurse and snuggle a baby when you are both dripping with sweat. So I am very glad that the air conditioner is working again. Wooo-hooo! And one thing I noticed in the past is that when I eat all raw I am able to deal with the heat much better than when I eat regularly. I can only imagine the torture this past week would have been with no air if I had been eating SAD. It reminded me of many hot summers spent in California with sweat pouring off my face. Yuck! I am so glad to have air conditioning again.
In other news I was able to reconnect with several friends on Facebook yesterday whom I have not seen in over 7 years. It was so wonderful that many of them did not recognize me! And I got a lovely compliment from one of them about the amount of weight I had lost. She had to rack her brain to figure out who I was because I look so different now than I did when we knew each other. So awesome. It made me feel really good. I look in the mirror and I see that I DO look different. I still have a long way to go but I am very glad for the progress that I have made. I feel better and better every day. So happy about that. And now that the house is not a living sauna maybe my swelling will go down and I will be able to do some exercising. That will help the wieght loss too.
I love raw!
In other news I was able to reconnect with several friends on Facebook yesterday whom I have not seen in over 7 years. It was so wonderful that many of them did not recognize me! And I got a lovely compliment from one of them about the amount of weight I had lost. She had to rack her brain to figure out who I was because I look so different now than I did when we knew each other. So awesome. It made me feel really good. I look in the mirror and I see that I DO look different. I still have a long way to go but I am very glad for the progress that I have made. I feel better and better every day. So happy about that. And now that the house is not a living sauna maybe my swelling will go down and I will be able to do some exercising. That will help the wieght loss too.
I love raw!
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Weigh In Time
Well it is that time again. Time for the monthly weigh in. So here it is:
I lost 4 pounds this month, down to 172.
I was very nervous about my weigh in this morning because I knew that I had not lost as much weight as I wanted to. I am trying to be optimistic about everything. I DO wish that the weight would come off faster. Obviously. But I am enjoying my food and I am enjoying my life and it is not difficult for me right now. I should be very happy about that. And I should be very happy about the fact that the scale IS moving down. Just much slower than I want. I KNOW that I need to start exercising again. I always seem to have some excuse about why I can't get any exercise in though. Little Angel does make things tough for me and does not allow me to exercise much. But there have been times when I COULD have gotten on the elliptical and choose not to. So it is me as well. One of the problems right now is that our air conditioner broke. I know, I know, another excuse, but when it is 90 with humidity in the house and I have sweat pouring down my face and back while just sitting down it does not make me want to get on the ole elliptical to sweat some more! Excuses, excuses. I know. I just need to get off my duff and do it. And honestly, I enjoy exercising. I enjoy the way I feel when I have done it. I don't know what my problem is.
In other news I am not sure how I am feeling about my hair. It has been over six months now with no poo. My hair has never looked better. Ever. It looks so full and thick and healthy. Shiny even. And it has grown so much this past year. At least a foot in the last 12 months. But it feels so different. It feels strange. It is hard to describe. My hair used to be very fine, thin, delicate, soft and limp. Very fine and soft, like baby hair. Now it is coarser feeling, thicker feeling, fuller and not limp. And it feels different. Again, it is hard to put into words. I am still experimenting here and not sure what my long term plans are but I like the look of it much better now. It is just going to take some getting used to I guess.
So that is it for now. Down 4 pounds from last month. Really hoping to start exercising CONSISTENTLY again this month and really hoping for a bigger loss this month as well. And I am very anxious to get into those 160's. I am hoping to be in and the out of them so fast it makes my head spin. And for as much as I wanted to be in the 170's I am quite sick of them now. Time to move on from this bad relationship. LOL!
I love raw!
I lost 4 pounds this month, down to 172.
I was very nervous about my weigh in this morning because I knew that I had not lost as much weight as I wanted to. I am trying to be optimistic about everything. I DO wish that the weight would come off faster. Obviously. But I am enjoying my food and I am enjoying my life and it is not difficult for me right now. I should be very happy about that. And I should be very happy about the fact that the scale IS moving down. Just much slower than I want. I KNOW that I need to start exercising again. I always seem to have some excuse about why I can't get any exercise in though. Little Angel does make things tough for me and does not allow me to exercise much. But there have been times when I COULD have gotten on the elliptical and choose not to. So it is me as well. One of the problems right now is that our air conditioner broke. I know, I know, another excuse, but when it is 90 with humidity in the house and I have sweat pouring down my face and back while just sitting down it does not make me want to get on the ole elliptical to sweat some more! Excuses, excuses. I know. I just need to get off my duff and do it. And honestly, I enjoy exercising. I enjoy the way I feel when I have done it. I don't know what my problem is.
In other news I am not sure how I am feeling about my hair. It has been over six months now with no poo. My hair has never looked better. Ever. It looks so full and thick and healthy. Shiny even. And it has grown so much this past year. At least a foot in the last 12 months. But it feels so different. It feels strange. It is hard to describe. My hair used to be very fine, thin, delicate, soft and limp. Very fine and soft, like baby hair. Now it is coarser feeling, thicker feeling, fuller and not limp. And it feels different. Again, it is hard to put into words. I am still experimenting here and not sure what my long term plans are but I like the look of it much better now. It is just going to take some getting used to I guess.
So that is it for now. Down 4 pounds from last month. Really hoping to start exercising CONSISTENTLY again this month and really hoping for a bigger loss this month as well. And I am very anxious to get into those 160's. I am hoping to be in and the out of them so fast it makes my head spin. And for as much as I wanted to be in the 170's I am quite sick of them now. Time to move on from this bad relationship. LOL!
I love raw!
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