Hubby has been bugging me for a week now to make calzones for supper. He has been very stressed out with work and he wanted something really good to eat for supper. He wanted, specifically, calzones. I had been putting him off, not wanting to make calzones because I was also craving them and did not want to eat them. I didn't want to feel the dough on my hands as I made it, I didn't want to smell the calzones cooking and I didn't want to see my family eating them. I didn't want to! But I did. I made the calzones, one for each member of my family. I lovingly kneaded the dough, filled the calzones up and popped them into the oven. I smelled the delicious aroma of the calzones baking. I saw how delicious the calzones looked with their golden brown tops and gooey cheese melting out as I put each childs calzone on their plate. And then I watched as everyone enjoyed eating their supper. And I didn't have any. Not any. It is a victory. But it didn't feel like one at the time. It felt like punishment. Hubby loved the calzones and thanked me for making them with a big smile and I glared at him. Then I felt bad. I need to find a way to live in this world, surrounded by food temptations and not have it be such a trial. This is my life, not a battleground. I don't know why it is sometimes very easy and sometimes very hard. I think the scale makes all the difference. It shouldn't be that way but it is true. I am motivated by the scale. When the scale moves down nicely in a steady and consistent manner I am thrilled and everything is easy. When the scale stays the same for weeks or goes up and down and up and down to only show a loss of 1 pound (or less) a week I am dejected and annoyed and ready to throw in the towel. I guess that means that I am rewards driven. I am motivated by reward. I have no problem staying all raw and eating healthy all the time as long as I am being rewarded by the scale. And when the scale is being naughty (as has been the case for over a month now) I struggle mightily.
Little Angel is fussing so I guess that is all for now. No time to spell check. Sorry for any goofy typos :)
Friday, April 16, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
WOW. I'm in awe. WOW. You are one strong lady!
ReplyDeleteI am so, so, so proud of you!!!!!!!! That happens to me OFTEN with pizza...it is something that is NOT on my diet, even though I'm raw - it's basically considered "the kiss of death" for me, as it makes me gain like 2 pounds for the next couple of days, lol. Ah, but I do so love it. I love making it with tons of yummy toppings...and it is really really hard to resist it. Fortunately my kids hate my pizza, lol, and it is no longer on DH's diet either so I haven't made it in a while!
ReplyDeleteSo I just wanted to tell you, that I am starting a green smoothie cleanse on Sunday. I'm in that whole dreaded spiraling out of control mode, and have been for the past 2 weeks. I'm talking stuffing my face with whatever sounds good except for meat. So you can read my progress on my green smoothie blog - http://greensmoothiefeast.blogspot.com/.
Want to do it with me? Maybe it'll jumpstart your scale loss...due to the fact that it's easily digested in green smoothie form. The ONLY thing that makes me able to stick to it is when I decide very firmly that the *only* thing I am allowed to eat is green smoothies. Nothing else, even if it's raw. That way it's kind of like a master cleanse fast which I always do well with, only it includes all the golden foods for that raw glow.
I'm doing it for 10 days, maybe longer if it's working out OK. Anyway, sorry for the novel, lol, but I love reading your blog because I can *so* relate to everything you write...my oldest turned 9 yesterday so now I have a 9 & 7 year old like you. My oldest is 10, but soon to be 11 and DEFINITELY thinks she's 13 if not older, ROFL.
Have a wonderful day and ENJOY thinking about your awesome victory last night - isn't that just the best feeling in the world, knowing you did so great last night? As opposed to that awful, awful feeling of knowing you gave in and have to start over today. Ugh. That's where I am right now and I can't wait to start on Sunday - get me out of this slump, already! =) Take care!
There is nothing wrong with rewards as motivation. How do you feel compared to how you use to eat? Measure on that for right now while the scale is temperamental.
ReplyDelete