So Much On My Mind

Do you ever wake up at 3 in the morning with all kinds of intelligent and insightful thoughts? Then when you wake up in the morning you can't remember it all? That happens to me all the time. I need to start keeping stuff to write with next to my bed. That way I can write it down before I forget!

I did manage to remember something from the other night though. So here goes. I think that anyone who has ever tried to lose weight has lamented the fact that our first impulse when anything goes wrong or gets stressful in life is to stuff food in our mouth. We are always asking ourselves why we do this. Having a stressful day at work? Grab a candy bar to eat on the fly. Children fighting? Make something gooey and delicious to eat. Too tired to cook? Get take out. Boss being a jerk? Crunch those chips.

Why do we shove food in our mouth everytime something goes wrong or anytime we are not happy? I had a revelation about this the other night. This behavior is very deep seated. Think about babies. They cry and we feed them. Even when they are not hungry the closeness and sucking action comforts and soothes them. When baby is not eating most of the time he/she has a pacifier stuck in their mouth. We don't use them but many people do. Baby fussy? Shove a pacifier into thier mouth. They are taught early on that when they are upset having something stuck in their mouth makes it all better. Even babies who do not have a pacie will suck on something, thier fingers, a blanket or clothing. And what is the first thing any baby does with any object they are given? They put it right into their mouths. That is how they explore their world. Everything goes into the mouth.

As children get older we as parents tend to continue this trend by feeding away boo boos and ouchies and celebrating everything with food. Child crying because they fell down, give them a hug and a cookie. Child had a good report card? Give them a hug and a cookie. We do not do this but I have seen parents bribe their children with food to get the type of behavior they want from them. This is so unhealthy!! And we wonder why we, as adults, have such issues with food. It has been going on for years! We no longer view food as a means to sustain us and keep us alive. Now it is a thing of pleasure. A way to vent our frustrations or reward ourselves for putting up the troubles life throws at us. The battle to lose weight begins with us getting a grip on food issues and realizing where they come from.

This goes the other way too though. New baby? Celebrate with a baby shower and lots of good food. Wedding? A feast! Graduation? Party! Holidays? Special food and lots of it! It seems like all events, good and bad are marked by food. And not just food but the overconsumption of lots and lots of ooey gooey fattening and delicious food.

I don't have all the answers to this and I certainly welcome any comments. This is just something that I have noticed recently. The cramming something into our mouths when we are stressed out starts in infancy. Is food our grown up pacifier? I think that for many people it is. Food is our pacifier. Our way of not dealing with anything. But it just causes more problems so it doesn't really help at all. It is a temporary fix. Like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound.

I had more on my mind but it has taken me so long just to write this between taking care of children and everything else that I have forgotten. Oh yeah, the scale. I have a love hate relationship with the scale and it is in the back of my mind to ditch the scale as soon as this 11 week initiative is over. I am committed to weighing in once a week during the initiative. But after that I think that I may just toss the thing. But that is a very scary prospective for me. You see the only time I ever weigh myself is when I am trying to lose weight. I never weigh myself when I am just eating whatever I want and I always gain weight like you wouldn't believe. So maybe there is that fear that if I don't weigh myself I will just stop trying? I am very numbers oriented. I am pushed on by my desire to see progress on the scale but I am also obsessed with that number and driven to despair over it. And that is not healthy. I need to find some healthy balance between ignoring the scale and obsessing over it. I struggle with whether the scale is totally neccesary at all. Really. I mean, we don't walk around with a number over our head that tells how much we weigh. No one else knows how much we weigh so why do we obsess over it so much? I don't know. I guess I have awhile to think on it. I want to have a heathy relationship with the scale. I need that.

Last night I played in the yard with the children. We were running and it was so fun. I found out two things. Number one, my children can run really fast and they are hard to catch! Number two, running around in the yard playing with my children is something I want to do more often. It is great fun for them and it is a great way to get some exercise too. I took turns chasing them. It was a blast.

Well this is pretty long, sorry about that. Just want to get everything out of my head. Today I have a dentist appointment. I am happy and terrified. I have not been to the dentist in so long (like 6 years!) and desperately need to go. I am afraid of what they will discover and how much money it will cost! We are also waiting for puppies to be born. They are due any time now. The waiting is hard because we can't plan anything. We can't leave the dog alone just in case she goes into labor. I also have a splinter on the side of my right palm and I can't get it out. It is in this very hard to reach spot. I will have to have hubby get it out for me when he gets home.

Well off to eat while I can.

I love raw.